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I don't think I was too deeply annoyed by Casper's Year of the Princess (age 3). (I should go back and reread my journal). But Dillo's current explorations of gender stereotypes, which henceforth shall be known as Year Of I'm Gonna Punch You In The Face, are driving me nutty.

Yes, I'm gonna punch you in the face is one of his favorite phrases. He occasionally vows to punch people in the stomach. He occasionally punches himself in the stomach, which is counter-productive. He is all in favor of everything boy, as defined as loud, destructive, and using of ZoomSmashCrash sounds.

What's getting to me is how little wiggle room there is for boys. Girls can be girly but there's a fair amount of tomboy to be gotten away with for those who want to (maybe less in Georgia, but some). And while our society sends a lot of conflicting messages to girls, there IS a societal message of "Girls can do anything they want to, Girls can be anything they want to be." Not so for boys. I couldn't bring myself to dress my son in pink pajamas, though I dressed my daughter in blue ones with no qualms. The societal message for boys is, "Boys can do anything they want, as long as it is not girly, because girliness is next to gayness and that is bad, bad, bad." I mean, where are the societal messages that it is okay to be a kind boy, it is okay to be a boy who likes cats, it is okay to be a shy boy? There are none. There seems to be only one model for boys. And I hate that my son is feeling the need to conform to it this year, as he discovers gender roles. I want him to have more choices.

We went to a potluck last night - someone told me the Evite showed 126 people attending, and we weren't on the Evite. It was a zoo. I'd say easily 50 children.

The family has 3 boys, aged 8, 6, and 4. The middle one is in Casper's class at school. They have a play set in the back yard and a scrum of boys in the 4-6 range were all over it through most of the party, while Dillo did some swinging and eventually some climbing and sliding. As you know, Bob, Dillo is the World's Most Cautious Child, but in this case his caution was appropriate - some of these kids were little hellions. General roughness in the course of games I can handle (though Dillo, not so much) but I saw pushing, tackling, and punches thrown. It was a serious male competitive atmosphere. It made me glad I have a sensitive new age kid. Not that Dillo was the only one who was behaving well - he stuck close to our neighbor Henry and his friend Tommy, who had their own elaborate game involving a frisbee, shield, and two horns off of a viking helmet.

I guess the part that disturbed me was that few parents were paying attention at all, and I had the sense that even if the parents of the wilder boys had been watching, they would not have considered the level of physicality and violence anything to be concerned about. Among our neighbors we have some wilder sorts - Owen is a natural Tasmanian Devil type, and Spencer has a temper and is big and can be physical. But both of their parents keep a close eye on them and call them out when they behave badly - Spencer's parents more effectively than Owen's, but Spencer also has a year on Owen, and Owen is seriously a force of nature. But I think some parents feel that boys are boys, and excessive roughness and pushing are par for the course, and they should work it out among themselves. Judging by what I saw last night, it's not a good strategy.

In other boy news, Casper recently informed us that she kissed a boy on the lips at after school. His name is Zachary and he's also a first grader I think, and actually he's quite a looker. Casper really likes boys.