flea

So, the baby who died over the weekend was in Dillo's classroom. She was only there Tuesday/Thursday, and usually left quite early, so I never saw her, though mr. flea may have, in the mornings.

They don't know yet what she died of, but it seems to have been an infectious disease. Symptoms are high fever, diarrhea, vomiting, and lethargy - your basic baby bug. The center said they disinfected the room Monday, and they usually run a tight ship on cleanliness anyway.

I wasn't at all worried for Dillo yesterday - I assumed the baby had died in an accident, or of SIDS, or something - it hadn't occurred to me it could be something infectious. I guess that was dumb. I'm not too worried now. But. A little.

Casper is still sick. mr. flea is taking her to the doctor this morning. She runs a fever on and off - seems fine in the mornings, can suddenly get very hot in the afternoon or evening (102). Has night sweats that soak the bed and jammies. Coughs a lot in the night but not at all in the day - a phlegmy cough. I'd think anything bacterial would have a more consistent fever, so I don't know if there's anything they can do, but we'll see. She started coughing on Monday, and first had a fever Tuesday pm - a long time. On the plus side, she doesn't feel or act sick 85% of the time. On the minus side, fever means we can't send her to school.

It looks like with employer subsidy, our child care for 2 will be $1600 a month. Which is reasonable for 5-star center care in our market, but still a hell of a lot of money from the perspective of our family finances. It is basically mr. flea's current (grad student) salary. We've planned for this, and have money saved up so we can swing it for a year if necessary, but it's not fun. (Please let's finish the grad school phase and move on to the gainfully employed phase by summer.)

In light of the truly bad things happening to various friends lately, I feel guilty that we're in a state of mild suckiness around here, and especially that I'm complaining about it. But here we go:

Dillo is aging up into a crankypants phase. I prepared mentally for this kid to be so different from the other kid, but nearly everything about the Dillo is so similar to Casper it's a little freaky (and also, let's say it, tedious). First week stressful and jaundice-y? Check. Breastfeeding pattern of Too Much Milk, leading to swift gulpy nursing sessions, only on one side at a time? Check. (With Casper, this pattern developed spontaneously and got my mother yelling at me that I was starving the kid because I wasn't nursing 10 minutes on each side - long-distance, natch. Turns out the pattern is a LLL-approved solution to Too Much Milk: http://www.lalecheleague.org/FAQ/oversupply.html). Placid start, followed by increasing crankiness and unwillingness to sleep unless being held? Check. Dillo has already started to have evening meltdowns of uncontrollable crying; Casper spent a few weeks right around 6 weeks screaming her head off like clockwork from 10-11 pm nightly. Curse the bad human design that means they're born with immature digestive and nervous systems. (IMO, "colicky" behavior in both my kids has been more from nervous system immaturity than digestive issues.)

My darling mother managed to sabotage any confidence I have in myself yesterday by phone, simply by commenting that the reason the Dillo slept badly Friday night, which I stupidly mentioned, was because he was picking up on my stress about the visit of the in-laws. God knows I get stressed out about shit, not least the crankiness of the baby. I find it incredibly stressful to hold a hot sweaty arching crying baby and be unable to comfort him. But does Mother think it will help me be LESS stressed to tell me that my stress makes the baby act up? Even if she's right, it's not very helpful. Of course, this is the woman who continually blamed (and blames) me for Casper's poor sleeping. Note to self: lie to mother more. "Yes, Dillo slept for 6 hours in a row last night! He has the temperment of an angel!!"

Tired because sleep deprivation is cumulative, and we didn't get naps this weekend due to houseguests, and I seem to be in a state of being too tired - really, too stressed out - to sleep lately.

mr. flea has put his back out, badly.

I dropped Casper off at school this morning, and it just reinforced my concern that her current classroom is not managed well. They are still without a lead teacher (have been since she started in June) and it being summer there are frequently substitutes due to vacations. The class isn't well structured; every time we are there (which includes unusual hours, such as today's 9:45, not just drop-off and pickup times which are scheduled as free play) they are just having free play, although their activity sheets do suggest there are structured activities. What really bothers me is how little the teachers seem to be paying attention to the kids - this morning, Jasleen was crying for her father, which she habitually does in the AMs, but nobody was paying attention to her, which they DID do in the old classroom. Nobody welcomed Casper when she arrived. The teachers just have an air of sitting around and chatting while nominally keeping an eye on the kids. The two teachers actually assigned to this classroom are nice women, but I think they just don't have the educational and/or experiential chops to really manage a classroom of 18 kids; I assume the ex-lead teacher was the one who kept things in line. I guess I should email the center director with my concerns. Ugh. I am sure they are trying to hire someone.

Back to work in 4 weeks, and can't imagine how it will all come together (sleep, feeding the kid, child care). Even though it's only back to work for 2 hours a day (plus 2 at home) for the first 2 weeks.

On the plus side, I am just stunned by how beautiful my daughter is:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/casperflea/209151396/

We signed the armadillo up to be in the wait list for the on-campus day care, and he's at the 90th percentile already, thanks to the "sibling bump" which puts us ahead of all non-siblings. There are 93 children waiting for 24 slots, so he's in the top 10. And then we got an email saying that there would be 13 openings in Infants by Sept. 1, due to the annual summer turnover/move up. Now, we put him on the list for a Jan. 1 2007 space, and I don't think I want to revise that date sooner - under 6 months just seems so young to have 4 infants per caregiver - but it's good to know that we are pretty much guaranteed a slot when we want it.

This, of course, is why it took 26 months to get Casper into the center, but I guess we've earned our priviledge!

I bought newborn diapers at the Kroger this weekend. So. Tiny.