Anecdata

[flea]

I was the first person I knew from college to get married, I think (at age 25) - even though a couple of women I knew in college eventually married their college-era partners.  I was also the first person I knew from college to have a child (at a week shy of 31).  I have several high school and college friends and acquaintances who are having babies now - in the 37-40 age bracket - in many cases, a first child.  So I got curious as to how unusual I was for my demographic - I went to a seven sisters college, graduating in 1994.

My class:
L, G, L, L, M, B, ML, E, A, me
Married: 9 of 10 (two to each other)
Have children: 5 of 10 (one other is actively trying)
Age at birth of first child: 30 (me), 32, 35, 37, 38

Class above me:
G, K, A, JJ, R, L, H
Married: 4 of 7
Have children: 3, one is pregnant with first child (estimated based on kid age)
Age at birth of first child: 31, 35, 36, 39

Class below me:
S, S, E, L
Married: 1 (1 other is in a long-term cohabiting relationship but not married) of 4
Have children: 1
Age at birth of first child: 37

Yeah, I guess I'm unusual.  The funny thing is, I was not particularly interested in being married or having children when I was in college; I had no serious relationships in high school or college, and was pretty indifferent to the idea of children.  I certainly did not automatically expect to have a domestic future.

Comments

[kate_nepveu]

And yet you were probably over the overall average age, as when I married at just shy of 25 in 2002, I remember being surprised that I was at the average age for women.

[flea]

I think it's very strongly determined by social class and race. Actual Federal Data says age at birth of first child was 25.0 for American women in 2006; in 2007 the average age of first marriage was 25.6. (Note the latter is higher than the former; 40% of births were to unmarried women in 2007). All of the women in my anecdote are at least college-educated, and at an elite private college to boot; most, but not all, are white and most, but not all, are Americans.

[meara]

Huh--I would say a HUGE number of people from my (mostly white, very elite) college are married (I'm 33, and this encompasses people a couple classes before and after me). To the point where I feel like one of the few who are not. And of those who are married I'd say 2/3rds have kid(s).

[veejane]

Among my circle of friends (8 or 9), one married before graduation, another within the year, and at least two more before 27 and another before 30. Of those, I know 3 have had kids, the first born before the mother was 25, and the second (twins!) born... hm, she must have been 25 or 26. (I've lost touch with most of them, so don't know for sure.)

So it's possible you just have an odd sample (or I do).

[sara]

I married (and got my M.A.) at 21, had children starting at 25, and have had an awful lot of hideous things said to me, over the years, about what a freak and a failure I was to do either in my twenties.

That said, the women who were most callous to me...are now struggling with infertility. Which is horrible to cope with, and is why I got pregnant when I did. So I think they're a little more appreciative of my thinking, now, than they were when we were younger.

Doesn't mean I'm ever going to be able to forgive some of the things that were said, of course.

[fatoudust]

Yeah, why do we say such hateful things to each other?

D. & I were the earliest in either of our circles to get married; striking because he was 7 years older than me. At 18, it was unsurprising I was first. At the time, everyone assumed I was knocked up and gave me shit for having kids early. I wasn't; just in love, and still haven't had kids now, for which everyone gives me shit. I can't win.

Anecdatally, most of my college friends got married right out of college to their college sweethearts. But there's a reason that people joke at those schools that the women are going there to get their MRS degree. Well, the reason is that they're sexist, but it's also very common.

The last guy I dated before I got married has a sixteen year old now, so he got married and she got pregnant pretty quickly. (Quickly enough I'm pretty sure it's the girl he cheated on me with, heh.) So from my dataset, there are lots of people who married and had kids relatively young.

[flea]

I can honestly say that the only person to ever give me any shit about my marital and childbearing status has been my mother. Peers, everybody has their own story and nobody is judgy.

[fatoudust]

Yeah, my mom did give me shit for a while, but appears at this point to have gotten over it.