This BOY thing.
Oct. 26th, 2010 08:29 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fleaI don't think I was too deeply annoyed by Casper's Year of the Princess (age 3). (I should go back and reread my journal). But Dillo's current explorations of gender stereotypes, which henceforth shall be known as Year Of I'm Gonna Punch You In The Face, are driving me nutty.
Yes, I'm gonna punch you in the face is one of his favorite phrases. He occasionally vows to punch people in the stomach. He occasionally punches himself in the stomach, which is counter-productive. He is all in favor of everything boy, as defined as loud, destructive, and using of ZoomSmashCrash sounds.
What's getting to me is how little wiggle room there is for boys. Girls can be girly but there's a fair amount of tomboy to be gotten away with for those who want to (maybe less in Georgia, but some). And while our society sends a lot of conflicting messages to girls, there IS a societal message of "Girls can do anything they want to, Girls can be anything they want to be." Not so for boys. I couldn't bring myself to dress my son in pink pajamas, though I dressed my daughter in blue ones with no qualms. The societal message for boys is, "Boys can do anything they want, as long as it is not girly, because girliness is next to gayness and that is bad, bad, bad." I mean, where are the societal messages that it is okay to be a kind boy, it is okay to be a boy who likes cats, it is okay to be a shy boy? There are none. There seems to be only one model for boys. And I hate that my son is feeling the need to conform to it this year, as he discovers gender roles. I want him to have more choices.
Yes, I'm gonna punch you in the face is one of his favorite phrases. He occasionally vows to punch people in the stomach. He occasionally punches himself in the stomach, which is counter-productive. He is all in favor of everything boy, as defined as loud, destructive, and using of ZoomSmashCrash sounds.
What's getting to me is how little wiggle room there is for boys. Girls can be girly but there's a fair amount of tomboy to be gotten away with for those who want to (maybe less in Georgia, but some). And while our society sends a lot of conflicting messages to girls, there IS a societal message of "Girls can do anything they want to, Girls can be anything they want to be." Not so for boys. I couldn't bring myself to dress my son in pink pajamas, though I dressed my daughter in blue ones with no qualms. The societal message for boys is, "Boys can do anything they want, as long as it is not girly, because girliness is next to gayness and that is bad, bad, bad." I mean, where are the societal messages that it is okay to be a kind boy, it is okay to be a boy who likes cats, it is okay to be a shy boy? There are none. There seems to be only one model for boys. And I hate that my son is feeling the need to conform to it this year, as he discovers gender roles. I want him to have more choices.
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Date: 2010-10-27 03:17 pm (UTC)But then, my kid is more likely to be the one pressuring the other kids to do "manly" things, rather than the other way around. He has yet to meet a masculine stereotype he hasn't embraced whole-heartedly, not because he's in a developmental phase where he feels like he ought to, but because he genuinely finds that stuff soul-stirring. I still haven't figured out how to handle this. I want him to be happy being who he is, but I don't want him to buy into all the messages that say *other people* need to be who he is, too.