cutting the doll's hair
Jan. 7th, 2009 08:13 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fleaCasper cut a doll's hair again last night, and she was upset that I got upset at her for it. As she put it, "It's MY doll!" It is her doll, but I find the cutting of dolls' hair, or coloring on toys, horrifying. I'm trying to wrap my brain around who's right here, and what I should do, since I think both of our viewpoints have validity.
As I explained to Casper last night, for me it is about respecting one's toys. I used the example of Sid from Toy Story. I can remember one time when I deliberately damaged a toy as a child - my sister and I used straight pins to poke holes in the breasts of the vintage Barbies we inherited from my mother, thus giving them nipples. I remember at the time knowing I was wrong (I was probably 8 or so) and have since read suggestions that girls are likely to damage Barbies in particular as a reaction against the patriarchy (stop laughing, it kind of makes sense!) The other times I can remember damaging something as a child were accidents, and very traumatic - I cut a triangular flap out of my hand-made smocked party dress by accident, while cutting princess crowns from paper (aged 6), and I pushed a rude playmate and her head went into the plaster replica of Greek horsemen from the acropolis that my mother had, breaking it (it was never able to be repaired (aged 8).
Casper sometimes draws on herself, and occasionally has drawn on her stuffed animals. Most of our markers are washable, so we discourage this drawing but have never freaked out about it. It's only recently that she has cut hair - in the last month she has cut the hair off a knock-off purple my little pony (basically a trash toy; I said that wasn't good but didn't make a big deal out of it), trimmed the braids on a Polly Pocket borrowed from a friend (which got a lecture about respecting other people's things and we went out and bought a new doll for the friend) and then last night she cut the hair of her 6-inch plastic Madeline doll.
Casper seems to feel that these are her toys, and she is free to play with them as she wants, and if that play involves cutting their hair, that's fine. The one thing I have impressed on her, twice now, is that if she EVER EVER cuts the Sasha dolls' hair (our special dolls from childhood, some of which she plays with in a special play space that isn't her room, and one of which I gave her at Christmas) they will be put away and she will never play with them again. I'm a little worried I'm setting myself up for deliberate damage with my vehemence here, and considering pre-emptively putting the Sasha dolls away until she is older. It would KILL me to see those dolls deliberately damaged.
Did you damage toys as a child? If you have kids, do they? Does Toy Story make you cry? What's your policy?
As I explained to Casper last night, for me it is about respecting one's toys. I used the example of Sid from Toy Story. I can remember one time when I deliberately damaged a toy as a child - my sister and I used straight pins to poke holes in the breasts of the vintage Barbies we inherited from my mother, thus giving them nipples. I remember at the time knowing I was wrong (I was probably 8 or so) and have since read suggestions that girls are likely to damage Barbies in particular as a reaction against the patriarchy (stop laughing, it kind of makes sense!) The other times I can remember damaging something as a child were accidents, and very traumatic - I cut a triangular flap out of my hand-made smocked party dress by accident, while cutting princess crowns from paper (aged 6), and I pushed a rude playmate and her head went into the plaster replica of Greek horsemen from the acropolis that my mother had, breaking it (it was never able to be repaired (aged 8).
Casper sometimes draws on herself, and occasionally has drawn on her stuffed animals. Most of our markers are washable, so we discourage this drawing but have never freaked out about it. It's only recently that she has cut hair - in the last month she has cut the hair off a knock-off purple my little pony (basically a trash toy; I said that wasn't good but didn't make a big deal out of it), trimmed the braids on a Polly Pocket borrowed from a friend (which got a lecture about respecting other people's things and we went out and bought a new doll for the friend) and then last night she cut the hair of her 6-inch plastic Madeline doll.
Casper seems to feel that these are her toys, and she is free to play with them as she wants, and if that play involves cutting their hair, that's fine. The one thing I have impressed on her, twice now, is that if she EVER EVER cuts the Sasha dolls' hair (our special dolls from childhood, some of which she plays with in a special play space that isn't her room, and one of which I gave her at Christmas) they will be put away and she will never play with them again. I'm a little worried I'm setting myself up for deliberate damage with my vehemence here, and considering pre-emptively putting the Sasha dolls away until she is older. It would KILL me to see those dolls deliberately damaged.
Did you damage toys as a child? If you have kids, do they? Does Toy Story make you cry? What's your policy?
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Date: 2009-01-07 07:33 pm (UTC)I modified a lot of my toys--clothes, hair, drawing but wasn't destructive per se. Owen definitely repurposes toys and I let him give way to his imagination provided he isn't purposefully destructive.
Olivia is much less rough with toys but I suspect any damage she causes will be more intentional.
I think teaching kids to respect and take care of their things is very important but toys nowadays are much less likely to be passed down. In some families, toys are carefully preserved and meant to be used by successive generations of children.
I tend to look at most of my kids toys as transient or temporary objects destined for a landfill at some point, rather than a shelf
That fact that you still lovingly have a plush toy from your own toddler hood and cherish the dolls you love to see Evelyn play with but worry about speaks to your own relationship to your childhood toys. Is it more important to you for Evelyn to establish her own relationship to her toys or to recreate your childhood relationship with yours? (Sorry if this seems over the top psychological speculation!)
I don't see toy vandalism on the level of Sid very often. But in TS2, at the end Stinky Pete is in the backpack with the modified Barbie and she says, "You'll like Stacy! She's an artist!" I think this is more reflective of modern kids' relationships with their toys. They whole movie is a metaphor for the issue, really--Al running a toy store, while keeping his Woody's Round Up collectible toys in storage crates and original boxes.