dysfunctional routines

[flea]

Or whole after-work dinner-bedtime routine is not working right now, so I thought I'd talk it out and see if I can find any ways to fix it. Constructive suggestions welcomed.

We all get home together at about 5:30, give or take. The last leg of the drive home (4 blocks from school) can be a little hairy, as Dillo wants to come in and get Casper from after school with me, but then generally protests being put back in the car seat for the drive home. He wants to be held. When we get home, I get him out of the car and we generally go inside and nurse first thing, in the pink chair. He wants about 15 minutes of my attention at this point, and woe bedtide the woman who forgot to pee before leaving work. My natural instinct on coming home is to want to shed my work clothes and unpack bags (lunchboxes, papers coming home from Casper school) and I usually do this after we finish the nursing session. What is Casper doing at this point? Playing, sometimes outside. If she's outside, mr. flea is with her; if she's not and it's his dinner night, he is making dinner.

We've been doing rigorous meal planning for Mon-Thurs for the last couple of weeks and it has been working okay. We pick meals, shop on Sunday, and pick who makes the meal, and then stick to the schedule. One problem is I am often very hungry when we get home. I want dinner by 6 at the latest, and mr. flea isn't that invested in getting dinner out fast. A solution is to go right to snacks, never mind that dinner is in half an hour. Maybe I can grab a snack before nursing Dillo, so I have some time to get calories in me? Or pack a granola bar to eat at 4:30 at work?

A big problem is we are both tired in the evenings, and the kids need a lot of input of energy to keep from going off the rails (they are tired too, of course). We don't bathe them every day, and we don't stick to a strict timeline for bedtime, although we have a general routine: play, then bath if it's a bath night, then stories, nursing, lights off. Someone has to lie with Dillo until he's asleep, or else he'll a) cry and b) leave his room and come find us. Casper likes to have someone lie with her, and we generally do. I'd say about 70% of the time, one or the other of us falls asleep with one of the kids. Neither of them ever get to sleep before 9, which is WAY too late. I'd prefer 8. I'd also prefer it if getting them down didn't take the full energy of both of us.

What can help? Try, for starters, to have an 8:30 lights off, and start the routine by 7:30 at the latest (7 for bath nights). Story time always takes a lot longer than we think it will. Tell myself that if I invest the energy into getting them down reliably earlier, I will have the time for personal stuff after they are asleep. For a while last winter they were both down by 8pm, and it rocked. I read books!

Comments

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

I hear you on this. It's rough there days because Frisco really needs to be asleep by 7 in order to not totally lose it and be a complete mess. If he's home, Joe will usually hang out with Ellie while I get Joe to bed, but he gets up so early that some nights, by 7:30, he wants to be in bed and brings Ellie up with him. And Frisco really needs at least 30 minutes (or more) of nursing and rocking before he's ready to be laid down and not fuss, but that is almost impossible with getting Ellie ready to bed so shortly after.

Our solution has been that we basically all go to bed at 8:30. It's a bit sad because we get nothing done in the evenings, but the truth is that with Joe routinely getting up at 4-4:30, we are all tired by 8:30.

Anyway, I look forward to hearing any other comments.

[veejane.livejournal.com]

I say, definitely pre-dinner snack. We are of the "getting floppy" tribe, and need to plan accordingly. Why, I'm eating 1/2 cup of chick peas right now, AIFG! (It's much more G than candy/cookies, which is my usual 4pm rememdy.) It's especially nice because Gladware makes 1/2 cup little containers, which is just right for a snack.

I don't know what to do about evening time, because I am the worst person at time-management that I know.

[gannet.livejournal.com]

I don't know if this is something you do already, or if it would help.

We try to make sure that Theo stops playing with anything he's too excited about (that he'll resist putting away) and that he starts doing calmer activities (looking at books, being read to, whatever) for about half an hour before we start the rest of the bedtime routine. Bedtime is a lot harder for us if he's worked up about something.

[sumik.livejournal.com]

I wonder if they'll want to sleep earlier once it starts getting darker earlier.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

No advice, just sympathy. I hate the way that prolonged bedtimes suck up the entire evening, leaving me too exhausted to get anything done afterward.

[katie-m.livejournal.com]

Getting children to bed I know nothing about, but "I am hungry and yet there is no dinner" I'm familiar with, and yes, I recommend snacking. You could always have something pre-set that's okay as, I don't know, an appetizer, so as not to feel like you're not eating healthy, if that's a concern; baby carrots in the fridge or whatever.

[hecubot.livejournal.com]

Well, definitely a pre-dinner snack for Flea on getting home.

I recommend having some hummus and crackers handy as that is savory, tasty, and assuages the hunger pains. But whatever you choose build that into your routine. Have something you can grab out of the fridge when you get home. Also, go to the bathroom before you leave work.

We're in the middle of a transition with Matilda for her evening routine. It helps a lot for her to go out and do something after we collect her from daycare, instead of being in for the evening. At the very least, we walk her to the corner store. If we're ambitious we take her to the football stadium (field) across the street, or a nearby playground or the backyard. Anything to give her some outside time after daycare or she gets super fussy.

Bathing, reading, singing, sleeping is a good routine for getting her down.

With Emmett we had a very set schedule for him in the evening. He had a bath every night - not so much for the clean, as the quieting effect. Then we read with lights dim, and quiet music (Miles Davis) until he got droopy. Then lullabies, rocking chair and sleep.

We can't really do that with Matilda because Emmett's almost 12 now and it's tough to get the house that quiet when it's her bedtime. But now I have him take his DS (Nintendo) and play in his room during her to-bed ritual.

Anyway, here's a suggested short checklist:

Go pee before you collect kids.
Plan ahead to have a flea-ready snack. Savory protein is best for keeping hunger at bay. Hummus, cheese, deviled eggs - whatever.
Focus on kids for playtime and interaction when you get home, but a brief outing makes a big difference in attitude.
Quiet the house, dim the lights, limit the activity to ease into bedtime.

[fatoudust.livejournal.com]

A savory snack with a half an hour until dinner is perfect. Remember that if you eat a little something a half an hour before mealtime that will help you to eat less at the meal, with your stomach able to signal fullness back to your brain in time.

I think. I may be repeating dreck, but it seems to work okay.