flea

So, I got out a tape measure and measured myself (bust, waist, hips) recently. The reason, which is ridiculous and probably mock-worthy, was that I was watching the YouTube Video of "Baby Got Back" a la "Pirates of Penzance," and there's the line "36-24-36? Well, maybe if she's 5 foot 3." So I was wondering.

So, I am 5 foot 11 and 39-31-38. The 39 is currently a 36C (remember, I'm nursing.) THIS is why shopping is such enormous pain in the ass. Now that they have long lengths in women's pants, I am okay on the height front most of the time. But, for example, at Lands' End, my waist makes me a 10 (medium), and my hips make me a 6 (small). According to them, my bust makes me a 12, but I can tell you from experience that a Lands' End 12 top would SWIM on me. I usually buy small tops from them, or an 8 (their small is 6-8); I haven't ventured their pants. At J. Jill? Bust would make me a 14, waist a 12, hips an 8. Again, I usually buy a size small (6-8) in tops from them, and an 8 in pants is generous. These manufacturers are not following their OWN size guidelines! And I'm not talking about tailored clothes here; this is simple t-shirts and elastic waist pants.

So, another thing to note is that my waist-hip ratio is .817, which is generally an indicator of risk of heart disease and diabetes and lower fertility and various things of this sort (although according to the charts I found I am at the low end of "moderate risk.") So far I have proven to be plenty fertile and nobody in my close family has diabetes or heart disease. However, this does mean that men don't find me that attractive, as I am not curvy enough (.7 is considered ideal in tests). I already knew that.

So, to sum up: Baby Got No Back. Little Humps. Minimal Lovely Lady Lumps. Anti-Badonkadonk.