things writing my last post and reading the reponses made me realize

[flea]

1. I want RF Mom to like me. There are practical reasons for this - I work with her every day - and impratical ones - I want to be approved of by someone who is very popular and well-liked.
2. I am wary of corporate child care. On a practical level, we should ask to tour the facility, which I haven't done in 2 years. On an emotional/social instinct level, I'm not sure if anything can be done about this. I do have a strong feeling that a family-like setting is best for the care of children under 4/5. Corporate day care centers feel like warehousing to me although I know they aren't.
3. I wonder if I would be able to leave my 3 month old in a room with 7 other babies under one year old and 2 adults? If I wouldn't, we might as well just hire someone to care for Casper and hypothetical future sib in our home - the cost is about the same, since 2 kids in a center is $$.
4. Yeah, opting in is the obvious choice. The real dilemma is what to do if we are offered the spot.

Comments

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

oops, I hit post/delete too quickly. That's what I get for trying to do to much at the same time.

I think this is what i said before. I have the same problem, or I will in a few more months. I had always assumed we would get a nanny, but lately I've been thinking that I'm not sure I will ever be able to hire another person who I trust enough to care for my kid(s). OTOH, I share all your concerns about daycare as well. But at least with daycare, there is more than one adult around.

It's a hard decision either way. Both have serious advantages and disadvantages.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

There are a lot of trust issues in letting another person - any other person - care for your child. I have been very happy with and trusted completely both nannies I have employed. Obviously I am sure there are incompetent or even evil people out there who want to care for children. But interviewing and speaking to multiple references should eliminate those pretty easily. I know of 4 nanny success stories first-hand and no horror stories.

I do feel that it's important acknowledge that you can't control everything in your child's life, and you can't always be with her. To a certain extent you have to trust - and I think it is healthy.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

I'm replying here since I accidentally deleted my other post. Like I said, I've always thought we would go the nanny route for many reasons. Then two weeks ago I was reading on this babycenter.com board about women who had problems with nannies. Two nannies there mentioned that, with what they know about how much they influence the kids they care for, they would never hire a nanny because they don't want someone else having that much influence over their kids.

I guess the feel that it comes to this. With a nanny, it is highly unlikely anything will go wrong, but if it does, it could be catastrophic because no one else is around. With daycare, you run a greater chance of ongoing, but minor things upsetting your child (less individual care, dirtier toys, more germs, whatever). These are almost certain to happen but aren't a big deal, except maybe in the cumulative.

I think my main trust issue comes from the fact that my brother was abused by someone in our family at a young age. I keep trying to separate that from Ellie but it's hard. No one knew what happened to him for 20 years and my parents thought they were making the right decision for him and his care. (He wasn't abused by a nanny or at daycare, so this isn't directly related.)

Despite all that, I still am leaning heavily towards a nanny. Ellie could be cared for at home, even when she's sick, and she could develop a close relationship with someone who truly cares about her. Au pairs/nannies are pretty common in the military because of the weird hours. I have several friends who have been very pleased with it. OTOH, I hired three maids in Brazil - 2 did not work out well and the last one was great. I guess I don't have a lot of confidence in my ability to hire the right person. I will have to think about this more in the next few months. I really want a nanny for Ellie - I just have to be sure I can find someone I trust enough.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

I wondered if there was family abuse that was partly fueling your trust issue. I'm sorry, and I hope you can find trustworthy caregovers for Ellie.