worries

[flea]

Someone asked, what do you, as a mother, worry about?

I have worried that:
I was starving my baby and I'd never get the hang of this.
I would go insane due to the constant demands of an infant.
I would never find adequate child care.
I would never be able to pay for adequate child care.
I would go insane due to sleep deprivation.
I would not be able to pump enough milk to feed my infant while I was at work.
I would project my own emotional issues onto my child.

Have you noticed a trend here? I have very few worries about Casper herself. This is the big one:
I worry that the lovely person she is developing into will be unhappy in this world.

(And this in itself is partly a projection of my own emotional issues).

Relatedly, the thing that has been most disappointing to me as a parent? My mother has not proven to be of any use at all as an emotional support during difficult times, nor as a source of simple advice. We are trapped in a cycle where any conversation about parenting instantly devolves into suspicion of criticism and hidden motives. I know my mother loves Casper (and me), but I really wanted to feel that she supported me in my mothering.

Comments

[loligo.livejournal.com]

It only took 36 hours into her latest visit (this weekend) for my mother to make me cry. (But really, I was only in her presence for about 13 of those hours, so that's pretty fast work.)

I will say that she mostly supports and approves of my parenting style, but when things get bad, her version of being soothing and supportive is to say, "Oh yeah? You think *you* have it bad? Well, when you and your sisters were little..." blah blah you wuss justsuckitupcakes. But for some reason it's the stern disapproval of my (lack of) housekeeping skills that *always* makes me cry. And she knows this, and yet she is compelled to do it anyway.

[minim_calibre]

Wait, are you secretly my sister?

Except for the housekeeping part, that's my mother.

[minim_calibre]

I have to say, knowing that you've made it through all my big concerns is a huge help for me as I muddle along.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

I've ben mentally preparing an almost identical post all day. I suppose I'll have a moment to actually write it out tomorrow. Except for the mom issues, we are remarkabley similar. Oh, and I have some DH issues, but I'll save that for my own journal.

[richtermom.livejournal.com]

My childhood/adolescense/young adulthood was pretty sucky. Eventually Mom and I gained enough distance that I began calling her more than the requisite holidays, and she re-read all those stupid late-70s self-help books and actually took them to heart, and she began making a point of it to say nice things on occasion.

She still offers some ridiculous criticism and she falls really far short in some of the support areas I wish she didn't, but almost every phone conversation she does say that I'm being a good mom and that Squeaky is a lucky little girl.

Of course, then she starts telling me what I'm doing wrong in some other facet of my life, so it's not all hearts and flowers.

ITA with the original list of concerns. Squeaky was a "sprited" child who cried all night, every night for a couple months because of colic and dairy sensitivity and probably picking up on my stress levels because DADDY was a psycho, but then every morning as soon as Daddy left, Squeaky and I took over the big bed and nursed and snuggled and slept for hours and went on to have fine, fun days. Even now, she's about 21 months, and she still doesn't sleep through the night. She and I snuggle on the couch, watching the "moon and maps" show (the weather channel) and we're okay.

I am, however, precariously teetering on the very real fear that my trusting, friendly little girl will be too friendly to the wrong person and s/he'll take her away from me. That gives me nightmares without falling asleep.

[richtermom.livejournal.com]

Biggest disappointment? The husband. And he consistently outdoes himself.