flea: (Default)
My counselor recommended guided meditations for anxiety today, but until I can find the time for that, maybe dumping some of the things in my head will help.

-talk to realtors and pick one
-get approved for financing
-make list of dream house, what we'd settle for, necessary features (dishwasher)
-consider buying a cheap house and taking out extra loan $ to build screened porch (tens of thousands, I am told on good authority)
-schools: Montessori vs. public, visit (talk to Mrs. B about Casper's temperament)
-visit!!
-develop hard time frame with mr. flea (this really needs to come FIRST)
-yard sale (to coincide with Mother visit in May?)
-stop thinking about whether or not we'll have a third child until after settled in new location
-go ahead and sell the damned baby stuff at yard sale - as B. said, you can always buy more on Craigslist if you do have a 3rd child, and none of our stuff is fancy anyway
-seriously purge our stuff - anything not worn/used/opened since we've lived in NC (six years, people!) has got to GO. (Exception: family heirlooms). Get rid of crappy furniture. Not worth paying to move things we don't want to own.

Seriously, the mental burden of our hypothetical future yard sale is IMMENSE. I have detailed mental lists of which items we are keeping, which we are selling, donating to TROSA, Goodwill, how to give away food and cosmetic items so they don't have to go in the trash and be wasted. If I could use this mental energy for good, I'd be Mother Teresa by now.
flea: (Default)
I have been trying hard to do a little more self-care this week. I am ashamed to admit that it started from reading Redbook and Good Housekeeping at my MIL's house last weekend, but, you know, it's still a good thing. My current goals are:

Take my meds every day. I had been forgetting a LOT, or getting too busy in the mornings. So I put a spare bottle of pills in my purse, so I can take them at work if I don't before leaving the house.

Wash my face every morning and night. I am sure for many of you this is basic. For me, not so much.

I walked home with Dillo in the stroller from his day care twice this week, and will again today. He is very happy (we walk along the bus route, so BUS!) and the weather has been lovely and exercise is good for me.

I am also seriously considering shaving my legs this weekend. I am afraid I will hate the upkeep, but right now I am tired of the furry.

Ask Moxie got me in the gut today with: "Can we talk about one of the central themes of the book, that everyone's "supposed" to be passionate about something according to society, and what if you've never found that thing, or are no longer passionate about something that you once loved?" (http://www.askmoxie.org/2008/03/book-review-the.html)

My reply was:
I am meeting with my counselor next week to talk about the issue of what I am passionate about. I have a job, am in school taking steps to a (second) career, and have 2 kids, and still am not passionate about, well, anything. I never have been. For me, motherhood hasn't changed this, though it has significantly lessened my time to wallow in worrying about it. My older child is 4 and my younger 20 months, so I'm still head-down and moving forward as best I can. No room for big picture, "what do I want in life?" worries. Except with some coming changes in our family, I NEED to think about what I want, so I can start advocating for it. Hence the counselor.

Honestly, the only way in which I am different from my wastrel brother is that I work despite not knowing what I want, while he is waiting to know what he wants and just passing the time until then. But, you know, what if you never know what you want? I hope the counselor can work some magic with me.
flea: (Default)
mr. flea went to an engineering job fair at his school last Thursday and Friday and today got two requests for interviews from local/regional consulting forms, based on his resumes and chats with them. Consulting is his least preferred job out of all the possibilities, and neither of the fiorms are the couple of specialized consulting forms he was most interested in, but YAY!

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