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My father (63) is mostly retired at this point. He and his wife are in the process of updating their house, decluttering, and thinking about moving to their retirement location. (She's only 50, but works as a crossing guard, so her career is not a factor; their kids are out of the house.) Family is mostly in New England or Ohio.

This is the list of things my father wants in a retirement location:
-temperate weather - not too hot in summers, not too cold in winters. I gather some snow is acceptable, but not Maine/upper New England levels of snow.
-small city, a college town would be ideal.
-not below the Mason-Dixon line.
-in a politically liberal location.
-preferably a place that is neither growing (exurban McMansion developments are a bad thing) or declining (i.e. not South Dakota).
-less expensive than where they live now, which is a wealthy area of Cincinnati. (My father is well off, but very cheap.)

He recently checked out Asheville and decided it was too expensive, he didn't like the way the highways went through the city, and he hated the exurban development. (It was already a fail on the Mason-Dixon line factor, and also possibly the snow issue.)

I just can't imagine a place that would actually meet his requirements. Anyplace with great weather, a thriving cultural scene, and progressive, is going to be overrun with OTHER people who want to live there, meaning it's expensive and has development issues. I mean, look at Portland, OR. In the age of the internet and "great places to retire" magazine features, there are no hidden gems.
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Item one, an email just received from my mother. Subject: American Girl dolls.

Subject line: OMG the doll is fat!

Body: Borrowed an A.G. doll from next door. Can't say that I like her construction as all of her limbs wiggle loose. She will remind you of how very nice the Sashas' are. And, she is fat: absolutely porky in the arms, legs and torso. Truly the new American girl!
How can we influence Eve back to Sasha, or shall we trust that superiority will rise to the top.

Truly it is a wonder that her children did not develop eating disorders (our inherent tendency to be skinny probably saved us.) Also, no wonder we are all snobs.

Item two, my father is crazy too (or at least a prescriptivist, which as we all know = craxy)! From an email warning us about the rockslide between Asheville and Knoxville, he corrected my usage in the message he was replying to, like so:

> It sounds like [Hmmm: "AS IF", a conjunction, not preposition!] the afternoon/evening of Sunday the 27th is good to have an everyone gathering? Let's tentatively plan on that.

Yes, growing up with my father was like living with the English Police. Also, every time anyone said Florida or orange, he corrected her pronounciation (short o, not long!! Long is what those declasse people say!) I do speak very nice standard English, but I suspect I would have done so anyway without the continuous grammar shaming.

Memo to Teppy, your Chatty!Coworker's extreme literalism and general assy responses often remind me of my father. Who, I can say in all honesty, replies like that because he is an ass (said more nicely, he's a geek 12 year old boy), not because he has Asperger's or anything.
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I've been having little email to-and-fro with my father - I sent him the realtor listing for the house two blocks down from where he grew up, and he pointed out (as I had already discovered) that it isn't in the Mariemont district, but in the city proper, and the local elementary is rated "emergency" by the state.

So he rambled on about school and real estate matters, and then dropped this:
"Our house is probably worth a little more than twice what we bought it for in 1993. We would not be
able to afford to buy it now, even were I still working."

Now, Zillow.com is placing his house at $282K right now. Which I think is overpriced - it is 2400 square feet, but poorly laid out and thoroughly lacking in charm. It gets a bump due to size and the school district.

But, people, my father is a 61 year old (retired) doctor! He was a family practice doctor, so a fairly low-paying specialty - median income for family practice doctors in 2002 was 'only' $150K a year. I would imagine that by the time he retired in 2004 he was making rather more than that, since he had many many years of experience. If your annual income is $200K a year - or even if it's only $150! - you can generally afford to buy a $280K house if you want to. I mean, right? A conservative mortgage is 3 times annual income, right?

To sum up: my father = totally out of touch with reality, financially-speaking (other ways also, but we don't have time for them tonight). It is probably not worth the effort of pointing this out to him. But if I am guilty of being cheap, at least I come by it honestly.

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