flea

Casper has changed her name at school, after finding herself one of two "Caspers" in her class. So now she is "Cas," which is of course the name I called her as a baby - I didn't switch over to her full name until she was about 3. I discovered this change by being told by several of her classmates! I think it is a reasonable approach to the problem of a common name, and I'm interested that she seems to have done it spontaneously, with no angst and no mention of it to me.

It's open school day tomorrow, so I am going to spend an hour or so in her classroom and I hope get to know her teacher and classmates a little better. I ran into her K teacher's husband at work today - he is a grad student - and, amused at myself, called him Mr. E. (He's probably 24 at most.) He said Mrs. E was doing better this year, and "she might stay a teacher after all." I knew she was having a hard time - really, all first year teachers do, and especially those teaching poor students for the first time - and I know he supported her a lot last year. Nice kids.

The other thing I think I haven't written about is Dillo's exploration of our car. mr. flea has been showing him different parts every day all summer, though I think at this part he's run out of parts. Dillo helps turn the engine off now sometimes. We had long conversations earlier in the summer (when we flew) about engines, and how they go, and does a boat have an engine, and where the engine is in the car, and where it is in a plane.

Dillo's started "zoophonics" at school and pointed "Sammy snake" out to me in a book spontaneously this evening. He's good with numbers up to four, and can hold up his fingers. We talk about bones in our bodies and brains in our head (even the cat!) No figural drawings yet, but soon I expect.

Days Casper has no school that I am pretty sure both of us work, between now and Christmas:
Oct 9
Oct 12 (may be a holiday for mr. flea)
Oct 30 (possible furlough day 1 for me)
Nov 25 (possible furlough day 2 for me)
Dec 21, 22, 23, 24 (24 is possible furlough day 3 for me, and I am pretty sure is a holiday for mr. flea)

I am working 3 weekends this semester, so I'll have 3 days of flex time. The YMCA may cover the October dates - I know they do spring break. We find out about the furloughs tomorrow. Advance leakage has given me a pretty good guess as to when they are.

Times we might take family trips this fall:
Sept. 5-7
Oct 10-12
Oct 30-Nov 1
Nov 25-29
Dec 23-Jan 1 (to Ohio)

Possible destinations (probably in order of the above):
Hendersonville NC
Asheville NC/Smokies Park (to meet up with old friends from Cinti)
Chattanooga TN (Why? Because it's there, and close? I have no idea if it's worth visiting.)
Charleston SC
plus day trips to Atlanta, weekend runs to Auburn AL.

Dillo's first day the his new school was today. We ended up all going in with him. The facility cleaned up pretty well, although it seems a little cramped. They've got 4 infants, about 12 in Dillo's room (15-36 months) and it looked like maybe 8-10 in the Primary room (30 months - 5). Dillo clung for a few minutes but warmed up pretty fast once Keitha gave him a "pounding work" and then he found the book corner. We have GOT to get him potty trained enough to move up to the Primary room, though. Colin has moved up and Dillo is at least 9 months older than any of the other kids in the toddler room. He went in diapers today but we checked out the bathroom and 'tried' before we left, and Keitha agrees that within a few weeks he'll be in Primary. I am thinking we'll settle in this week, then start sending him in underpants next week.

The afternoon's beginning was Open House at Casper's school. We got the teacher we wanted, that I "asked for" in the spring following the recommendation of, well, all of Casper's then teachers. Casper was very pleased. It turns out that many of the neighborhood kids we know are in the class. There are 20 total. Dynasty from her class last year is with her again; the only other former classmate we saw was Kimberley. But Siena and Allison and Eliza and the other Evelyn are all there, and so is Katie Sue. Two boys who were friends at the other school and re-zoned in. Nathaniel from after school. Heavily girls; whiter than the school on average (of the ones I know or saw today, 7 white kids, one Chinese daughter of white parents, two black kids, one Latino.) Definitely the cherry-picked class, which I feel some pause about, but I think after a year with the late-registrants last year, she needs a challenging year (I think most of these kids can read already). And she LOVES Mrs. C the teacher and Mrs. B the aide. I knew Mrs. B and liked her, and met Mrs. C for the first time today.

We bought a daily planner and set up an account for milk at lunch and signed up for after school and Tae Kwan Do and picked up information about a Girl Scout troop being started by Mrs. B and two parents I know (yay!). Girl Scouts is at after school, too, so Casper can go easily.

Names (all turn 6 by Sept 1):
Danilo
Briettney
Rodrick
Eliza
Thomas
Nathaniel
Angelo
Briana
Allison
Alyssa
Katie Sue
Alana
Evelyn
Siena
Roan
Dynasty
Jeremiah
David
Evelyn
Emily

Stress levels through the roof this afternoon. Tonight we must:
Pay Visa bills
Bathe kids
Go fetch Target gift cards for teachers
Ask a neighbor to look in on Fishie
Make a plan to pay the YMCA

Then I decided to take tomorrow morning off so I can get the house in reasonable shape and pack. Except Casper has a school event from 8:10-10:45. Then I go to the dentist at two, which is actually contributing HUGELY to my overall stress levels. I hate being wimpy and un-dealy about shit, and I am HUGELY so about the dentist right now. I am super organized and articulate and competent and everything dentistry makes me completely shut down and not be able to advocate for myself and make good choices.

We made a park-stay-fly reservation at an airport hotel; I think we'll end up paying $60 over what it would cost to just park. mr. flea thinks the ease of not getting up at 4am and dealing with my unreasonable stress about missing the flight will be worth it; I am worried the kids will be bonkers in the hotel and we'll lose a whole night's sleep.

And on top of this another aide spoke to me at afterschool about Casper's placement next year. She has apparently been placed in a class already, and everyone (Mrs. E, Mrs. C, Mrs. C's aide) thinks it is a bad idea. So I need to speak to the assistant principal and make the case for Mrs. C, who I agree would be a good fit, admittedly not knowing all of the teachers or what the placement rationale is. Except I am feeling ridiculously conflicted about speaking to the assistant principal, because I feel like I am asking them to privilege my child by placing her in the best teacher's classroom and what about the other kid who will be displaced, who probably has a less advantaged parent and could just as much use the placement if not more so. But then, Casper had this year with a fist-year teacher who had a steep learning curve and has certainly not blossomed as much as I would have liked her to. So she could use a year of really good solid teaching. And you're supposed to advocate for your kid.

Stress. Stress. Stress.

We met with Mrs. B the Spectrum (gifted) teacher yesterday and learned about Casper's testing. They have to score above a certain level in 3 of the 4 areas. They assume the kids will score in Motivation based on teacher recommendations, so that leaves Mental Ability (seems like a plain old IQ test), Achievement (we didn't see this test) and Creativity.

Casper scored in the 99th percentile in Achievement (only 59%ile in reading, not a surprise, but her overall score was 99%ile). In Mental Ability she scored 92%ile (cutoff is 96%ile) and Mrs. B gave her a second test hoping she would qualify on that one, but she got 87%ile (Mrs. B said that one is harder.) These tests are given in small groups, with the teacher reading the directions and the children filling in bubbles in a booklet. I had an IQ test for giftedness in 1st grade and remember taking it - it was one-on-one with a teacher, and there were hands-on things (like fitting shapes together). Mrs. B said spontaneously that for kids as young as K, bubble testing was not the best approach, and hands-on one-on-one would be better.

The Creativity test, which we saw, did not impress me at all. It was a booklet and Casper was asked to make pictures based on already existing lines or blots on the page. This was sent out to be scored. One of the things Mrs. Brown noted was that it was a timed test and you were partly judged on how much you completed (Casper's last section was less than half finished, and looking at it, it was so boring I know why). Casper scored in the 37%ile for creativity. So, the area in which I feel she is most unusual was the one she scored the worst in. I feel like this is pretty clearly a failure of standardized testing to adequately assess ability in this area.

For the future, she can be re-tested next December. Mrs. B has her as a 'Student of Promise' and tells me she has started doing pull-outs for that group on Fridays. The other option to petition her in to Spectrum would be to have her develop a portfolio of work and present it orally to the entire Board of Education, which I feel is pretty obviously not appropriate for her at this age!

Comparing myself to Casper, and mr. flea to Casper, in some ways she seems more like him. Even at a very early age, I was *devoted* to performing well for others, whereas Casper hates to be asked to show off what she can do. I have always found standardized tests of the IQ test and SAT and GRE logic test variety to be easy and even fun. While having the specialized kind of mind that allows one to do well on these tests is an advantage in life in some ways (i.e. I did well, though not stunningly, on the SATs with no prep and no stress), other kinds of mental and social skills that I lack have been a hindrance to me. And some of my "strengths" - like the ability to see what other people want from me and give it to them - while they have resulted in great success at school, have been weaknesses when it comes to other aspects of my life. I think I would be happier if I were less dependent on external motivation for success. mr. flea has actively struggled with standardized testing (though still doing above average), but look who has a PhD and who doesn't!

I'm not sure that Mrs. B sees the conflict between my understanding of gifted (performs well beyond the classwork and *learns differently*) and the state of GA's definition on paper and as it's playing out in Casper's school (which seems to be picking out bright kids from upper-middle class families who test well who might not be so unusual if they were in a classroom full of their socioeconomic peers). I am cynical enough to feel that part of the point of Spectrum in GA is to keep affluent parents of smart kids in the public schools, and not fleeing to private schools. I think this is one reason that Mrs. B is so eager to reassure us that Casper has a good chance of testing into Spectrum in the future (and also she's probably had to deal with angry entitled parents in the past).

So that's gifted. mr. flea is still struggling with his issues; that 87%ile really hit home with him as the way he always tested - at the top of average, but not quite good enough. I hope Casper is too young at this point to feel so judged by the process.

Casper didn't test as gifted, as per the very gently-worded form letter we received (she could have had a bad day! maybe she needs to mature! she still counts as smart! don't be sad - read her some books!).

I'm a bit disappointed, only because from the little I know of the gifted program at her school it's kinda fun-looking, one-on-one or small group attention, they seem to do a little French. (One of the best things about my own education, IMO, was my public school had French for everyone starting in 5th grade. Of the numerous languages I have studied or been extensively exposed to - German, Italian, modern and ancient Greek, and Latin - French is the only one I retain any fluency in, and I stopped studying it when I was 16 and haven't used it in an immersion setting since then. I think everyone should have a second language in elementary school.)

I do worry a bit that Casper can't (or won't) read and seems, in general, very little motivated about school work. Mrs. B, her Pre-K teacher, talked to us about her motivation - the goal with Montessori, as that was, is to develop self-motivated kids. Left to her own devices, Casper would have colored all day, but, you know, she was 4! She seems to enjoy school now, as a whole, but from what I've seen she's often a bit lazy and has to be prodded to do things fully (things other than making elaborate drawings, that is). It is a huge struggle to get her to "read" us a simple book that she usually has memorized, and she hates doing the flash cards of words she supposedly knows, and often guesses at them half-looking (based on initial letter) and gets them wrong. She might be able to struggle through Hop on Pop at this point, but nothing beyond that. And she's known all her letters and sounds for about a year now!

I know that the age of learning to read is variable, and in some countries (Scandinavia and Germany?) children aren't expected to read until 7. I know Casper is smart and creative. But reading is so incredibly cool! It's deeply important to me and to success in life! Why the heck isn't she doing it yet? She's five and a half - am I being silly?

First a brief note: Dillo slept all night again! Night five in a row! I am so well-rested I feel like I could manage Congress! Seriously, folks, I haven't felt so little tired in SIX YEARS. I am so not having another kid unless it comes with a pre-birth guarantee of sleeping 12 hour nights by 6 months.

(Of course, I am weaning Dillo on Saturday and he will probably stop sleeping through the night to spite me.)

So, Casper has been complaining since Valentine's that we never come to her school events like the other parents. Which we don't, at least the events that occur during the work day. And then Monday I was complaining that I'd had a boring day at work and Casper gave me the hard sell on how much FUN I'd have if I came to school with her - I could COLOR! So, since I am working late tonight, I emailed Mrs. E to see if it was convenient for me to visit class today. She said yes, if I came in after reading group where Casper is already highly distractable (confirming what I knew - it is pulling teeth to get her to read to me). So I showed up at 9 and stayed until 12.

I came away with a new respect for Mrs. E, who I think is doing great, and the aide (also, confusingly, a Mrs. E). Most of what I saw alternated between work on the smartboard or a flip chart (easier for the kids to write at), with the kids sitting on their squares on the carpet (or not sitting - more on this later), and work at the tables, a spin-off of something started as a group. They wrote sentences about animals (with drawings - Casper, with much prodding from me: "Pupes drink watr. Pupes catch a ball. Pupes lik pepul.") They glued a shape to a page and created a drawing around it. They counted, together, to 100 and took turns writing the new numbers (the 80s) on the group chart they are making. They sang about popcorn words. They went to the bathroom, quite a production, and went to lunch at 10:50am. I really enjoyed it.

All of the kids were, in the manner of 5 year olds, sometimes distracted, needing to be reminded to pay attention, fussing with one another, etc. Casper was one of the quieter and more attentive ones, but she too had her moments. Four of the kids (16 total) had some significant issues, were more wandery than others, just shut down sometimes, or had outbursts. Sadly, all 4 are black boys. (The class that day was 2 white girls, 5 black girls, 1 white boy, 3 latino boys (who were out of the classroom for a big chunk, I assume at some special language work), 4 black boys.) One of the boys who had issues is, I think, a mainstreamed special ed kid - he looked older than the others, and something happened that I missed that led to him being sent out and not eating lunch with the rest. Another is clearly very smart and engaged and good at the class work but can't control his temper, so sometimes when he was spoken to about sitting still or paying attention (like every other kid) would pitch a loud fit and have to go sit in his chair. The last two seemed very young for the class and just not ready to handle school (remember, we're 6 months into the year). I was sitting next to M much of the time, who was very sweet and wanted to hold my hand and hug on me, and craved attention, but talking to him was only slightly more sophisticated than talking to Dillo (who is admittedly pretty talky for a 2.5 year old boy). At one point something upset M. and he shut down, sitting quietly but not making eye contact with me and not responding to my overtures, not doing the work he had in front of him, just blank. He didn't seem to be working at the class level; could color but I didn't see him write any letters and needed help with numbers. The aide spent the majority of her time running interference with these 4 boys and the occasional pop-ups by many of the other kids. This despite Mrs. E changing activities every 10 minutes, doing motion breaks (jumping jacks), moving back and forth from the desks to the carpet, and constantly monitoring behavior, bringing the group back to focus, etc.

Thank god I'm not a kindergarten teacher. I was exhausted after watching them for 10 minutes.

I knew, intellectually, that the school was diverse and many of the children were from poor families. But it's another thing to see the diversity and see how some of the individual children don't have the same level of basic socialization that I take for granted. And I worry that the ones who are struggling so much already in kindergarten - what is going to happen to these kids in 10 years, when they are 15? J., the outburst boy, is clearly very smart and gets the work - what if he can't learn to handle things emotionally better? To what extent are these kids - the "problem" boys especially - already being labeled, in kindergarten, and what harm will those labels cause them along the way? It was all kind of gutting (though I loved being in the class and I loved the kids and their interest in me and their friendliness and openness). And I also wonder, what might Casper be achieving if she were in a class where all or even most of the kids were from families like hers? She was going to be pulled out with Mrs. B the gifted teacher at 12, and not for the first time - I don't know if for the gifted testing is ongoing, of if she's tested gifted and they haven't bothered to tell us yet. Must email.

Casper remains not really yet a reader, at least as far as she is willing to demonstrate this skill at home. She brings home "homework" books to read (and we are bad and rarely read them, preferring to read big books out loud to her), and she generally has them memorized and is not looking at the words. If pressed by me, she will sound out words, but often has trouble putting the correctly sounded out phonemes together into an actual word. (Incidentally, while I could read before kindergarten, and I know many of my online friends were also early readers, some strikingly precocious, I am struck by how much kindergarten today is basically teaching what I was taught in first grade. I went to an unusual, alternative kindergarten, but my impression as a rule was that kindergarten was for play, and usually half-day at that.Now it is full-day in all the public schools I know about, and is for learning to read.)

And yet, she is learning. This Friday she brought a book she'd written home:



Click through to find out where she likes to go! Hint: ice cream is involved. But not donuts; that would be Dillo's book, if he could write yet.

Casper had a good morning. I couldn't get her to bed early last night, so she was asleep by her usual 9pm. But she woke up chipper in the AM and dressed and ate without fuss, and was happy about going to school. At the last minute - as we were getting out of the car - she started to ask, "Why do I have to go to school?" but I just said, "Have a good day, I love you!" and sent her off. She will be fine.

Dillo, not so much. He went to bed at about 7pm, but was up at 10:45 for nearly an hour, nursing and restless, and then up at about 4:30. For the day. We got out of bed at 5:30 or so and watched tv, and I got him dressed okay because of that distraction, but he was already saying, "I don't want to go at school! It is not a school day! It is a staying home day!" He didn't want to out his "fast sneakers" on and had to be manhandled, crying, into the car. He cried off and on until I was dropped off, and of course as we passed Dunkies, began to say, "I want to get donuts, and go home!"

Well, so do we all, my friend.

Casper's class had a Thanksgiving Feast yesterday afternoon. Her class dressed in Native American costumes, and hers at least looked great. We sent in a daddy-sized white t-shirt on Friday, and over the weekend Mrs. E dyed them all brown. The kids cut fringes at the hem and sleeves (Mrs. Erb told me this part was hard and Casper was really determined) and decorated them with marker. Most kids just made dots but Casper drew symbols on the front. I'll get a picture when I can get her into it.

On the walk home yesterday Casper told me what they learned about Thanksgiving - about the Wampanoag tribe, and how one helpful one taught the Pilgrims how to survive, "before they became slaves". The things they teach these kids today! I am pretty sure when I was 5 the Pilgrim story was all about the helpful Indians and the harvest and the sharing and the happy cooperation and didn't mention the bad parts (wars and slavery, oh my). She said they saw a movie about it, and read a book in the library. I told her a little about Plimoth Plantation and she really dug the idea of going there. I remember visiting the 'Mayflower' in Plymouth when I was perhaps 8, with my grandparents, and getting into a conversation with one of the sailors who professed amazement at my red rain slicker ("Were you switched with a lobster?").