Sleep, Part 2

[flea]

Possible thoughts about a solution:

What is my goal? I'd like a night of sleep that is interrupted two times at most. I am pretty functional on 3 interruptions, and lord knows I've been functioning with 4+ some days, but TWO would be so wonderful! If I could get two 3-4 hour stretches! If I didn't have to go to bed at 8-9 pm to make it through the following day! If I could, you know, READ for an hour before bed!

So, to achieve the goal, I need to get Casper to go a bit longer between night feedings.

There are a lot of possible ways to achieve this, and I'll need to talk some of them over with mr. flea.

1. Try to get her to eat more at a given feeding; work at stretching out intervals between daytime feedings so she gets in the habit of going longer without being hungry. This may be tough for a while, given that she is still nearly exclusively breastfed, and breast milk digests so quickly. Right now she eats about every 3 hours during the day, occasionally going 4 or so. We do feed her solids regularly at night now, and she nurses a lot. I want to get into the habit of nursing her right before I leave for work in the morning; right now she nurses at 4 or 5 am and then takes a bottle at 8, which is a waste (makes me have to pump more) when I leave at 7:30.

2. Be firm as can be about not nursing her out of habit in the night. This is why some night are very bad – I am sometimes so tired that whenever she wakes or even stirs I nurse her, whether she really needs it or not. I need to keep aware, and wait until she is really demanding to nurse, and keep slowly expanding the interval.

3. It might make 2 easier if she is not in the bed with us. Possibilities include moving the crib back into our room and making a sidecar arrangement; putting her to bed and sleeping part of the night with her on the futon in her bedroom (open it out and put the mattress on the floor? That way we won't have to worry about falls); moving her to her crib in her room.

I am unsure which of these will work best. The sidecar would means the shortest and least intrusive waking for me when she does wake in the night, but might be awkward, and she still might wake me with her tossing and turning towards morning. I like the idea of the futon solution as a compromise of togetherness and separateness, and it avoids the problem of mr. flea disturbing me/us when he comes to bed late – and orthoepy described something like this working for her – but I worry that once she's ambulatory we'll have to deal with a roaming 15 month old, which could have safety as well as sleep implications. (Yes, I know of a 10 month old who regularly climbed out of his crib, so a crib is no guarantee of containment – on the other hand, my friend with 2.5 year old twins still has them safe in their cribs during "naptime" (="play in our cribs while mummy has a break, and maybe nap occasionally time"). Crib in her room I worry would be more disruptive to me on one level – I'd have to get up, fish her out, and nurse sitting up – but less disruptive in that she would not be waking me up wiggling. I think mr. flea is in favor of the sidecar idea, and I kind of prefer the futon. We'll talk about it this weekend.

But I have both hope and determination now that I can do something about this, which is such a welcome change from my helplessness. I really should have done something two months ago, when it started to be bad, but I had this idea that she would grow into sleeping through the night naturally. Well, she may, but whether or not it happens before she's 4 is another matter. I think I can get her night waking down to a reasonable level this way, though, and do it gently. Yay me!

Comments

[cindyamb.livejournal.com]

I do think at some point (and she's six months now, yes?) they start to see the middle of the night feedings as a reward, not just nourishment.

I can't offer sleeping suggestions that sound like they'd work for your desires, as by 6 months, my kids were out of my bedroom, but they weren't waking, either.

Do you feed her right before you want to go to sleep? I seem to remember that's what worked for us. If there'd been a few hours between the last feeding and my preferred bedtime, I'd wake them then, feed them, and I'd get maybe six hours, which turned to 8, etc.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

um, i go to sleep when she does, half the time. the other half of the time, I'm asleep within an hour after she goes to bed. this is why I'm able to hold down a job. i do feed her right before she goes to sleep.

[cindyamb.livejournal.com]

How many feedings does she get from the time you're home with her in the afternoon, evening? I used to try to smoosh an extra feeding in that time. I understand and remember (and shudder at) the need to function. You're smarter than I was though, I never managed the "sleep when they sleep" approach, which is really the only sane way to go, particularly if you have to deal with humans you don't love, during the day.

[burrell.livejournal.com]

I probably can't help much, as each baby is different and what works for Frances might not work for Eve. Franny now is able to soothe herself back to sleep most nights. Her overall pattern is to cluster in a bunch of feedings (plus dinner) just before bed. She often wakes up after an hour or so and wants to nurse again. But after I go to bed I sometimes hear her wake up (she still sleeps in the cradle next to our bed) and then soothe herself back to sleep. I only get up to change and nurse her if she gets to fussing, otherwise I let her take care of it. It took a couple of months to winnow her down from 3 or 4 night feedings to 2 and then later to 1. (Actually, now that I think on it, she still gets 2 or 3 night feedings, but 2 have been moved to earlier in the evening, before I usually go to bed.)

I guess my suggestion would be to try moving her next to you, but out of the bed. That way, her wiggling won't wake you and, who knows?, maybe she'll just go right back to sleep if she's left to her own devices. But it probably won't be quite that simple.