I am not well

[flea]

Specifically, I am home sick, which is basically a mental health day although my tummy is a little off. And Casper is at the nanny, so what have I done? Cleaned the hell out of her room, ours, and the living room, done 4 loads of laundry, working on the dining room. Do I know how to have a good time or what?

I am not well.

mr flea got home early last night; the whole reason he went to the conference was to do a demo at the poster session, and he and the other guy worked hard to get it ready, then an official told them they couldn't do it since the room would be too crowded, plus they had a really bad network connection. So they didn't do it. Also, really bad network connection (wireless) at a SUPERCOMPUTING CONFERENCE? Yeesh. He brought me 2 80s mixes he cadged from the waitress and manager at a restuarant he ate at, and 4 tulip bulbs which were the giveaway from some Dutch supercomputing firm.

He won't be home tonight until 7:30.

I am not well.

I hate my job. I let stupid useless things get me angry, and then I don't respect myself.

I want to withdraw from the nanny-share, because I feel it is more trouble than it's worth, and I'm tired of the poor-me whining of the rich family. The resentment makes me not respect myself. And I spend an hour walking each time I pick up Casper (3, about to be 4 times a week). Unfortunately, finding a new comparably good child care situation at a good price or even any price would be a lot of trouble, so right now the current solution is worth the trouble. I hate the trouble, though.

I am not well.

I'm just not coping very well with the vagaries of life. I know what I need to do, which is up my dosage, but that means seeing the psychiatrist and persuading him (I don't especially like him, and don't want to) and it also, basically, means weaning Casper. I don't feel it would be wise and/or right to expose her to a higher dose. I really enjoy breastfeeding. I like it now more than I did when it was necessary - it's become meaningful to both of us, and not just food.

Comments

[burrell.livejournal.com]

This may not be helpful, but I was surprised at how simple it was to wean Frances. Of course, I didn't really have a choice about it or I would have continued it a bit longer. Yes, I miss it, but the truth is she does not. She gets plenty of Mama snuggles and she gives the most delicious kisses in the world. I was surprised at how easily the bonding attached itself to different activities once we were no longer nursing.