Late, Lost and Unprepared
Mar. 22nd, 2010 10:04 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fleaI think I read a blog-review of this book somewhere, and then I happened to pick it up at the library last week. (The "parenting" books are right next to the dollhouse in the childrens' room.)
The subtitle is, "A Parent's Guide to Helping Children with Executive Function," and it's really geared towards parents with children who are AHDH or have other official diagnoses. The whole first section is about getting appropriate diagnoses for kids who are struggling in school. It also has a pretty nice chart that reminds worried parents what level a child ought, developmentally, to be operating at. Your six year old losing jackets is totally par for the course. Your 15 year old doing the same is possibly more problematic.
"Executive Function" isn't really one thing, in my understanding - it's a combination of skills that work together to enable people to be responsible and manage complex tasks, and includes memory, ability to both initiate actions and follow through all the way, planning, impulse control, and organization. The second half of the book breaks these different skills out and has examples, using schoolchildren, of specific skills breaking down. So, for example, the disorganization of a kid who has short-term memory issues and doesn't remember the homework assignment is a different disorganization from that of a kid who can't get started on homework or has trouble transitioning from task to task.
I can see this book being really helpful with adults as well as children; I've only had time to skim it so far but I can see things that I think help me understand some of mr. flea's (to me) bad habits better. One big thing is to establish routines, which in some cases can bypass the need for executive function altogether. A lot of adults do this as a matter of course; the keys go in X location without you even thinking about it, so you always know where they are.
One of the big points of the book is that kids often feel really bad about things like forgetting homework, and get into a cycle of blame, poor self esteem, and poor performance, when it's a matter of simple short term memory and developing a routine. Many kids may simply be developing organizational or memory skills more slowly than their peers - a parent can provide structure to keep them from cycling downward while the skills mature.
Casper strikes me as pretty middle of the road for her age; she occasionally forgets stuff, and has trouble getting started on homework some times, and she's not hyper-conscientious like a couple of her peers I know, but nothing to worry about. mr. flea has trouble with structure - he resists using a calendar, and in general is unwilling to make plans for things or commit to doing things. In contrast, I am always full of long-term plans, reviewing activities coming up, etc. While I sometimes get overwhelmed by the complexity of our lives (the book notes that sometimes things are so complicated anyone's executive functioning breaks down), I manage to keep things running. I'd like it if mr. flea and I could work together better, maybe doing morning IM chats to go over calendar activities for the day/week, so I don't feel like the only one who does the executive work in the family.
The subtitle is, "A Parent's Guide to Helping Children with Executive Function," and it's really geared towards parents with children who are AHDH or have other official diagnoses. The whole first section is about getting appropriate diagnoses for kids who are struggling in school. It also has a pretty nice chart that reminds worried parents what level a child ought, developmentally, to be operating at. Your six year old losing jackets is totally par for the course. Your 15 year old doing the same is possibly more problematic.
"Executive Function" isn't really one thing, in my understanding - it's a combination of skills that work together to enable people to be responsible and manage complex tasks, and includes memory, ability to both initiate actions and follow through all the way, planning, impulse control, and organization. The second half of the book breaks these different skills out and has examples, using schoolchildren, of specific skills breaking down. So, for example, the disorganization of a kid who has short-term memory issues and doesn't remember the homework assignment is a different disorganization from that of a kid who can't get started on homework or has trouble transitioning from task to task.
I can see this book being really helpful with adults as well as children; I've only had time to skim it so far but I can see things that I think help me understand some of mr. flea's (to me) bad habits better. One big thing is to establish routines, which in some cases can bypass the need for executive function altogether. A lot of adults do this as a matter of course; the keys go in X location without you even thinking about it, so you always know where they are.
One of the big points of the book is that kids often feel really bad about things like forgetting homework, and get into a cycle of blame, poor self esteem, and poor performance, when it's a matter of simple short term memory and developing a routine. Many kids may simply be developing organizational or memory skills more slowly than their peers - a parent can provide structure to keep them from cycling downward while the skills mature.
Casper strikes me as pretty middle of the road for her age; she occasionally forgets stuff, and has trouble getting started on homework some times, and she's not hyper-conscientious like a couple of her peers I know, but nothing to worry about. mr. flea has trouble with structure - he resists using a calendar, and in general is unwilling to make plans for things or commit to doing things. In contrast, I am always full of long-term plans, reviewing activities coming up, etc. While I sometimes get overwhelmed by the complexity of our lives (the book notes that sometimes things are so complicated anyone's executive functioning breaks down), I manage to keep things running. I'd like it if mr. flea and I could work together better, maybe doing morning IM chats to go over calendar activities for the day/week, so I don't feel like the only one who does the executive work in the family.
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no subject
Date: 2010-03-22 02:12 pm (UTC)It does look pretty good.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-22 03:32 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2010-03-22 04:59 pm (UTC)My DH and I have been setting aside some time every week, typically Saturday morning because we have the least time pressure then, to sit down and look at both our calendars and make sure we at least know what our schedules are like for the following week. It helps a lot. He has a tendency to not realize how much time he is allotting to work (outside of his regular work day, I mean) and volunteering for things that takes away from our time to do household stuff or whatever unless we lay it out on the calendar. This way it's not me being responsible for the household stuff and trying to get him to help, we figure out what we'll be able to do together.
I imagine y'all might have more trouble finding that kind of dedicated time what with the kids and all, some kind of electronic check-in via IM sounds like it would be worth trying.
no subject
Date: 2010-03-22 05:55 pm (UTC)I'd be lost without my calendar, yet I tend to not always put personal stuff on it, since I don't often plan much more than a week ahead. I'm trying to be better about that, since some things ARE more than that ahead (or in another place, like Facebook or whatever) and then get dropped off or forgotten.