Queen Crankpants of Crankonia
Feb. 1st, 2004 04:57 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fleaAnd no, It's not the baby. It's me.
Weekends are hard. I spend all week running just to stand stil, getting to work, getting me and baby and sometimes even mr. flea fed, getting us to bed, doing it again the next day. And weekends I want a break. But there isn't any break - Saturday AM we were all up at 6:30 with the baby, Sunday woke around 6, mr. flea got up with baby to "let me sleep in which lasted until 7:15. Woo, we're rally lazy around this house! Saturday is our day to spend together, our break from the hectic pace, and we did have a good time. mr. flea went out to get Dunkin' Donuts and I brewed the coffee and did dishes. Had our "family meeting" and decided to pay off my student loan with some cash we inherited (weird to be free of that!). Went to Carrboro, checked out the used baby clothing store (good, and they sell my nursing bra for when I splurge for another - the woman tagging inventory with sleeping 3 month old in a sling commiserated with me about wearing a bra constantly - except in the shower - since the birth of the baby.) Wandered the little mall, charming smiley baby in arms making friends throughout, bought birthday present for 5 year old nephew at a good toy store, bought practical but nice 75% off blouse for me, ogled Patagonia items (wicking! strech! perhaps sneaks out of your drawer and climbs mountains while you are at work!) for which I have no use. Tried to eat out but baby deteriorating, we had to take turns walking outside with her. Got home at 2 and I was exhausted. We spelled each other taking naps - I got 1.25 hours of sleep, not continuous - made dinner, ate, bathed baby, put baby to sleep, and I got my crank on.
I knew all along that mr. flea was much more tempermentally suited to parenthood than I. I need time alone, time to read, time to stooge around and ignore everyone. Down time. And babies are not very interested in their mothers having down time. They need you all the time. I understand this both intellectually and emotionally, and I knew I was going to have to step up and sacrifice a lot of my personal and private time. I think I'm doing a pretty good job, generally. But damn, it's hard. It's not just being tired, though I have yet to crack 5 hours of sleep in a row since the baby's birth. I feel as though I will never be free again. I didn't feel marriage - or partnership, which on my case predated marriage - was a loss of freedom, though many people do feel so. But having a baby feels like a life sentence - though I know it will get easier - and I wish I were one of those people for whom it wasn't.
Weekends are hard. I spend all week running just to stand stil, getting to work, getting me and baby and sometimes even mr. flea fed, getting us to bed, doing it again the next day. And weekends I want a break. But there isn't any break - Saturday AM we were all up at 6:30 with the baby, Sunday woke around 6, mr. flea got up with baby to "let me sleep in which lasted until 7:15. Woo, we're rally lazy around this house! Saturday is our day to spend together, our break from the hectic pace, and we did have a good time. mr. flea went out to get Dunkin' Donuts and I brewed the coffee and did dishes. Had our "family meeting" and decided to pay off my student loan with some cash we inherited (weird to be free of that!). Went to Carrboro, checked out the used baby clothing store (good, and they sell my nursing bra for when I splurge for another - the woman tagging inventory with sleeping 3 month old in a sling commiserated with me about wearing a bra constantly - except in the shower - since the birth of the baby.) Wandered the little mall, charming smiley baby in arms making friends throughout, bought birthday present for 5 year old nephew at a good toy store, bought practical but nice 75% off blouse for me, ogled Patagonia items (wicking! strech! perhaps sneaks out of your drawer and climbs mountains while you are at work!) for which I have no use. Tried to eat out but baby deteriorating, we had to take turns walking outside with her. Got home at 2 and I was exhausted. We spelled each other taking naps - I got 1.25 hours of sleep, not continuous - made dinner, ate, bathed baby, put baby to sleep, and I got my crank on.
I knew all along that mr. flea was much more tempermentally suited to parenthood than I. I need time alone, time to read, time to stooge around and ignore everyone. Down time. And babies are not very interested in their mothers having down time. They need you all the time. I understand this both intellectually and emotionally, and I knew I was going to have to step up and sacrifice a lot of my personal and private time. I think I'm doing a pretty good job, generally. But damn, it's hard. It's not just being tired, though I have yet to crack 5 hours of sleep in a row since the baby's birth. I feel as though I will never be free again. I didn't feel marriage - or partnership, which on my case predated marriage - was a loss of freedom, though many people do feel so. But having a baby feels like a life sentence - though I know it will get easier - and I wish I were one of those people for whom it wasn't.
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no subject
Date: 2004-02-01 03:00 pm (UTC)There are a lot of different kinds of mother. I am a MUCH better (and happier) mother of a child, and now a teenager, than I ever was of a baby. In my opinion, babies are the investment you make in order to get the eventual reward of children.
I swear to you, it gets easier. And once they talk it is SO entertaining!