18 months can end now

[flea]

Technically, the Dillo is 19 months, of course.

Last night went like this:
-Regular bedtime routine with Daddy (start: 7:15)
-Loud freakout and extended crying
-I go in and nurse him, try to put him down, freakout, hold him until he goes to sleep in my arms, put him down. Chopin playing soothingly (to me, anyway). Time: 8:20 or so.
-Deal with Casper after school stuff (the YMCA is go, although mr. flea will be eating it wrt transportation, and I came away feeling like an insufficient parent, sigh.)
-Go to bed: 9:30 or so.
-Dillo wakes crying: 9:45. Give him 10 minutes. Still crying. mr. flea visits. 10 minutes. I visit, do not nurse him, but hold him. He falls asleep in my arms. He wakes up when I put him down. 10 minutes crying. mr. flea visits. Still crying during visit. mr. flea brings him to me in bed and I nurse him. mr. flea picks him up to take him back to bed and he freaks out. mr. flea is shocked and astonished that nursing no longer works to make him fall asleep. I tell him, yes, it stopped working about 4 days ago why do you think my life has been a living hell? 10 minutes crying. Maybe another 10 minutes. I think he fell asleep some time between 10:30 and 11, with mr. flea holding him in his room.
-Casper wakes crying: 2:45; she woke up and the light was off and the door closed in her room. I turn on the nightlight and snuggle with her. Fall asleep, mostly.
-Dillo wakes crying at about 3:50. I think I went and got him and nursed him and put him back in his bed, where he cried for a while (maybe 20 minutes). But things are pretty hazy. mr. flea went in at some point and changed his outfit and diaper since he was wet, and ultimately set him up with the Baby Einstein DVD on the laptop (Dillo in crib).
-I wake at 7 to sound of awake excited buy saying "cat!" It's like the horrible night never happened.

I knew a girl in high school who cut herself. This was before the days when this was a known phenomenon - I had never heard of it, and it was very strange to me. I was familiar with depression and pain - I'd seen a counselor starting at age 11 for depression (ask me about the shit sandwich some time) - but mine was more chronic and less acute, I guess. But lying in bed listening to a baby cry, I completely understand cutting. I pinch myself to try to make the pain less.

Comments

[serrana.livejournal.com]

Hoy, right there with you, this week. At least he went down in his own bed last night (he's usually much better about that than his sister was, but when he's been sick, all bets are off). The night before we had, I think, two hours of crying.

She, of course, was still up until after 10 p.m., despite my best efforts. I swear, I don't know what we're going to do about kindergarten. This is not a kid who can be somewhere awake and ready to learn at 7:45 a.m. She never has been.

[loligo.livejournal.com]

I dread this stage. I keep putting it off -- Squeaky still spends at least half the night in our bed, and when Andy gets tired of getting kicked in the head by the baby, he goes and sleeps on the cot in Chuckles' room. If we got serious about Squeaky staying in his crib, it would be just like this.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

What's killing me is, he WAS doing it! In the crib, to bed happily, 1-2 wakeups for nursing a night and right back down! For six months, with occasional runs of horrible teething. Now, it's separation anxiety central.

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

Joe does. not. get. my visceral inability to listen to Frisco crying.

I'm sorry things have been so rough.

[cashmerepett.livejournal.com]

Neither does Christopher! He just can't feel the same way about it. I break out in a cold sweat.

I hate the up and down of sleeping. We go through periods of bliss where both kids go down and stay down all night and that lulls you into thinking it's over.

Then BAM--they get you with multiple wake ups and the exhaustion mounts and mommy takes the brunt. Feh.

When my kids are teenagers, I want to go in and wake them three times a night and see how they function. Little buggers.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

I remember pounding the floor with my fist to keep from doing something I'd regret. (My second was colicky, and there was the same story about juggling nonsleeping kids.)

Hang in there. It's a grinding deadening part of your life, and you'll make it through somehow.

[jonquil.livejournal.com]

Oh. By the way, *sometimes* (certainly not predictably) this massive crying fit turned out to mean he had an earache he wasn't telling us about. Your Kid May Vary.

[mearagrrl.livejournal.com]

Heh. Thank you, thank you, for helping to push "snooze" on my biological clock.

[forodwaith.livejournal.com]

{{flea & family}} I hear you on the why, why, WHY can't sleeping issues be over & dealt with once & for all. Consistent inconsistency seems to be the only rule.