On how life is (a completely irrational rant)

[flea]

Can I just mention how deeply unfair it is that my little brother, who is 29 years old, and just graduated from college last summer (assuming he got the paperwork together and actually bothered to graduate), and doesn't really have a job right now (he does some freelance work for a video game design company he used to work for, but if he made $10,000 a year from them I'd eat my hat), is getting to live in my grandparents' house in Woods Hole, MA? He is paying (modest) rent and there's another tenant as well, but still! How is this fair? He dawdles along into his 30s and can't seem to grow up and get used to the fact that nobody is going to pay him to sit around and have cool thoughts (he is currently interested in neurobiology or something like that, but will he even consider taking a job in a lab? No, because that's menial.) And I just know some stupid shit will fall in his lap, and he'll get to spend his whole life living in Woods Hole, and he'll probably even get married and have kids and my mother will leave him the house, MY HOUSE, when she dies. And I work my little ass off with a stupid job that pays the bills and taking care of kids and going to school and not killing my husband, and I have to move to Cincinnati, home of desperate public schools and segregation and small minds and MY FATHER, and this is going to be my REWARD.

Which is all a prelude to, should I get my brother a Christmas present this year? I always do, a fairly nice one (usually clothes) and he either gets us nothing in return, or only gives us presents by dint of my mother or my sister taking him firmly in hand and essentially doing the shopping for him. (For example, I doubt he actually purchased me a creamer from England on Ebay last year. That one has all the hallmarks of my mother, despite it ostensibly coming from him. She probably even paid for it.) I'm considering stiffing the stiff this year. We're staying home, so I won't have to do it in person or anything.

Comments

[dxmachina.livejournal.com]

Ah, the joys of being the eldest when the youngest is a complete flutterhead. I know them well. I still get her a present every year, though. Family present dynamics are tough. Every time one of my sibs gets married or has a kid, there's another present for me to buy, yet do they ever consult me? :)

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

You may be gratified to know that mr. flea said to me last week, "I think *I* should give a present *from me* to your sister and brother, because it's not fair that they are supposed to buy all 4 of us presents and we only give them one."

On his side it's easier, because he and his sister both are married with 2 kids, so it's all square. (Actually, his parents are so obsessed with fairness that they give everybody presents and if some were worth more than others they give a check to make up the difference.)

[dxmachina.livejournal.com]

My brother's SO does that, God bless her. They don't have kids, so there is balance there.

When I was growing up, my father and his two sibs all just agreed that since they were all married with children, it would be easier and cheaper for everyone not to give any cross family gifts. The only one of my aunts or uncles I ever got gifts from was my mother's unmarried sister.

[cofax7]

We resolved this issue by throwing all the 13 members of the family (my four sibs & their spouses, the 2 nieces, & the parents) into the hat; we each get two names to buy for and that's it. Except the married couples can buy for each other and my sister's family buys inside the family. But still: you end up buying at most five gifts instead of twelve. Twelve! I ask you! The last time, before we instigated this new system? It took hours and hours to open all the gifts. It got boring. Never again, I swear.

[dxmachina.livejournal.com]

We tried this a couple of times, but certain of us (me included) couldn't not get smaller gifts for everyone else (18, all told, not counting the folks), so it never worked. Truth is I enjoy giving gifts. I've heard rumors that my kid-having sibs don't exchange gifts anymore, and just give presents to the nieces and nephews, but no one will confirm it for me. I guess the first rule of no-gift club is not to talk about it.