life is yucky
Nov. 30th, 2006 08:08 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fleaYesterday: came home from work at 9:30, worked solidly for 1.5 hours while sick Casper watched Sesame, then did art projects and watched children (Dillo nanny left at 1) until 2:30, zombied for a little, ran to grocery, dinner, bed etc. Casper seemed much better in the evening.
Today: me at all-day training for work. Casper went to school okay but got wilty, and when mr. flea went to pick her up early she was running a fever again, so we can't send her tomorrow (she can't go in until no fever for 24 hours, and they know she had a fever at 2pm today.)
Tomorrow: in theory: I go to work at 7:30. mr. flea drops Dillo at the neighbor's (his nanny needing the day off), drops Casper at my work at 9:00, Casper watches a movie or two while I work, Casper and I go home and pick up Dillo by noon. mr. flea will be in Raleigh.
Okay, typing that out it looks insane. We should just cancel the neighbor and I'll call in sick and watch the kids and fuck face time, I'm a goddamn secretary.
I just feel I've been scrambling to keep up at work and at home this week and failing at both. For example, I've been short on milk and needing extra and pumping a spare ounce here and there and just feeling inadequate to coping.
And next week my demanding mother is visiting.
****
The work training was right by the day care, so I went and visited Casper at lunch and pumped in their space rather than ask to use an empty conference room at the training building, and also spent 15 minutes sitting in the infant classroom in which the Dillo is starting in 2 weeks. (Next week "visits," week after, transitional half days, 3rd week full time if that's what we want.) It was quiet, calm, a couple of kids sleeping, a series of diaper changes on the big ones, a few of the smaller ones up and down from sleep. No crying, only 1 or 2 even fussed. Only 1 kid with a booger on the nose. Still made me sad, as several of the (awake) kids went the whole 15 minutes with only minimal attention from the caregivers. Of course, I regularly let the Dillo sit in his bouncy chair while I am on the internet and basically ignore him for 15 minutes, but I guess I fell it's different when I'm ignoring my own kid, eh? Still have no info on the subsidy situation, but basically even if we paid full price for both of them it's cheaper than any other care situation possible right now. Still feeling incredibly guilty, which I never felt when we had a nanny for Casper. That had many hassles (schedules, other people), and was incredibly expensive even shared, but I never felt guilty about the quality of care (love and attention) Casper was getting.
Today: me at all-day training for work. Casper went to school okay but got wilty, and when mr. flea went to pick her up early she was running a fever again, so we can't send her tomorrow (she can't go in until no fever for 24 hours, and they know she had a fever at 2pm today.)
Tomorrow: in theory: I go to work at 7:30. mr. flea drops Dillo at the neighbor's (his nanny needing the day off), drops Casper at my work at 9:00, Casper watches a movie or two while I work, Casper and I go home and pick up Dillo by noon. mr. flea will be in Raleigh.
Okay, typing that out it looks insane. We should just cancel the neighbor and I'll call in sick and watch the kids and fuck face time, I'm a goddamn secretary.
I just feel I've been scrambling to keep up at work and at home this week and failing at both. For example, I've been short on milk and needing extra and pumping a spare ounce here and there and just feeling inadequate to coping.
And next week my demanding mother is visiting.
****
The work training was right by the day care, so I went and visited Casper at lunch and pumped in their space rather than ask to use an empty conference room at the training building, and also spent 15 minutes sitting in the infant classroom in which the Dillo is starting in 2 weeks. (Next week "visits," week after, transitional half days, 3rd week full time if that's what we want.) It was quiet, calm, a couple of kids sleeping, a series of diaper changes on the big ones, a few of the smaller ones up and down from sleep. No crying, only 1 or 2 even fussed. Only 1 kid with a booger on the nose. Still made me sad, as several of the (awake) kids went the whole 15 minutes with only minimal attention from the caregivers. Of course, I regularly let the Dillo sit in his bouncy chair while I am on the internet and basically ignore him for 15 minutes, but I guess I fell it's different when I'm ignoring my own kid, eh? Still have no info on the subsidy situation, but basically even if we paid full price for both of them it's cheaper than any other care situation possible right now. Still feeling incredibly guilty, which I never felt when we had a nanny for Casper. That had many hassles (schedules, other people), and was incredibly expensive even shared, but I never felt guilty about the quality of care (love and attention) Casper was getting.
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Date: 2006-12-01 01:51 am (UTC)