The latest kerfuffles in kerfuffledom

[flea]

1. A fairly senior person at my work was fired this week. We found out about it last night/early this morning - from the person, before the administration had sent out a notice. I have no opinion on the subject, never having dealt with the person professionally, but there is much rejoicing in some quarters. And sadness in others. It is a kerfuffle of major proportions.

2. I have girded my loins to speak to my colleague about the New!nanny pay issues, following much more conversation with various people and a fight with mr. flea (because he wanted me to take an abstract "economies of scale" approach to the problem, instead of my "it's not fair" approach). So girded, and having planned to propose lunch today for the dreaded coversation, I discover that my colleague is likely to be unavailable, due to her position on a search committee with a visiting candidate.

Also, I am very sad that many new mothers of my acquaintance have given up breastfeeding, both at b.org and in flesh life. It means a lot to me, and I am sorry that others have found it either difficult or unsatisfying. Actually, I am so touchy on the subject of motherhood at the moment that I should really just avoid conversation on the subject. Everything anyone says or does seems to cause me pain. (Except when they say my baby is cute. Cute baby, yo!)

Our nanny's last day is today. Casper won't even remember her, and she has been such a big part of her life - of all of our lives. I wish she weren't going.

Current mood: weary and small.

Comments

[susanw.livejournal.com]

First of all, that's a darn cute baby you have there.

Also, I just want to say that none of my griping on Bitches about people criticizing and second-guessing my decision to pump and bottlefeed was directed at anyone at b.org. I was thinking of the midwife I saw on Wednesday ("Did you try Reglan?") and one of my RL friends ("You're not putting her to the breast AT ALL anymore?").

[burrell.livejournal.com]

I'm just surprised that breastfeeding hurts you but the pump doesn't. The pump causes me actual pain, whereas breastfeeding is soothing and relaxing for both of us. Well, right now I'm having the too-much-titty reaction, but that's because she's sick and so she's comfort nursing for WAY TOO LONG.

BTW, my DH was saying that he read most women who give up on breastfeeding do so at around two weeks, and the lactation consultant also said that if you pass the two week mark you're likely to keep it up.

[susanw.livejournal.com]

Part of it may be the sheer size of my breasts. The pump actually grabs the areola like it's supposed to, while even with a good latch Annabel wasn't. And I think another factor is my mild sensory integration dysfunction. I don't know if you were following Bitches when I posted about it a few months ago, but the simplified version is that I'm easily overstimulated, and specifically am often overwhelmed by too much touch. When I was pregnant it got so bad that I didn't want anyone to touch me at all, ever, in any way. It's better now, but nursing still came close to my "feeling overwhelmed, must panic" threshold. There's no way I could've done it without nipple shields, which were supposed to be only a temporary crutch to deal with inverted nipples, but the mere fact of having the nipple shields was probably hurting my milk supply.

It was the intensification of symptoms while I was pregnant that made me realize I had this problem, so there wasn't enough time to get treatment before Annabel was born. I'm committed to getting therapy and fixing (or at least moderating) these issues, but meanwhile I just have to figure out how to be the best mother I can with who I am now. And so a big part of my decision about nursing, though I left it unsaid on Bitches because it just seemed too personal for such a public forum, was that by avoiding a type of touch that was just too much for my screwed-up easily overstimulated brain to cope with, I put myself in a position where I'm comfortable and happy to give Annabel the overall affection and cuddling she needs and deserves.

[burrell.livejournal.com]

Without wanting to minimize your touch issues, I do not think you have even mild sensory integration problems. From all that I've read and studied of the subject, it's not something that afflicts fully functioning adults like yourself. I know a lot of women who could not tolerate being touched while pregnant, A LOT of women. I totally agree, however, that one needs to address one's own issues while parenting, and I think therapy's great. Motherhood is simply overwhelming, especially at first. The first months are HARD, very hard. Hell, it's still hard on me, but nowhere near as intensely demanding or anxiety-producing as those first months.

FWIW, establishing nursing wasn't rosy perfect for me, I just didn't bring it up at Buffistas. But my milk supply was low at first, and Frances sometimes had difficulty latching so I used a nipple shield. Actually, I came to really appreciate the thing because IT WORKED. So many new baby doo-dads don't work, but that one did. I used it for the first two or three months. I just flipped a big raspberry to the lactation lady who said I should rely on it and figured that Frances would eventually sort things out on her own. She did.

I'm not implying that you should try nursing again. I think if you've got a feeding plan that works, then go with it.