boys

We went to a potluck last night - someone told me the Evite showed 126 people attending, and we weren't on the Evite. It was a zoo. I'd say easily 50 children.

The family has 3 boys, aged 8, 6, and 4. The middle one is in Casper's class at school. They have a play set in the back yard and a scrum of boys in the 4-6 range were all over it through most of the party, while Dillo did some swinging and eventually some climbing and sliding. As you know, Bob, Dillo is the World's Most Cautious Child, but in this case his caution was appropriate - some of these kids were little hellions. General roughness in the course of games I can handle (though Dillo, not so much) but I saw pushing, tackling, and punches thrown. It was a serious male competitive atmosphere. It made me glad I have a sensitive new age kid. Not that Dillo was the only one who was behaving well - he stuck close to our neighbor Henry and his friend Tommy, who had their own elaborate game involving a frisbee, shield, and two horns off of a viking helmet.

I guess the part that disturbed me was that few parents were paying attention at all, and I had the sense that even if the parents of the wilder boys had been watching, they would not have considered the level of physicality and violence anything to be concerned about. Among our neighbors we have some wilder sorts - Owen is a natural Tasmanian Devil type, and Spencer has a temper and is big and can be physical. But both of their parents keep a close eye on them and call them out when they behave badly - Spencer's parents more effectively than Owen's, but Spencer also has a year on Owen, and Owen is seriously a force of nature. But I think some parents feel that boys are boys, and excessive roughness and pushing are par for the course, and they should work it out among themselves. Judging by what I saw last night, it's not a good strategy.

In other boy news, Casper recently informed us that she kissed a boy on the lips at after school. His name is Zachary and he's also a first grader I think, and actually he's quite a looker. Casper really likes boys.

girls

So, it's developmentally normal for 5-6 year old girls to be flirtatious, right? It's the classic age of the Electra complex, for one thing. Casper has long had an intense interest in older boys - possibly stemming from her earliest days in our nanny-share when she was 9 months old and Alexander was the 4 year old big brother of the other baby. And she's always been a pretty outgoing, not socially inhibited kid, the kind who would sit in the stroller and say hello to passing pedestrians, and will still walk up to adults and say, "Hello!" She loves to chase boys at school, and has certain boys that she thinks are especially interesting (River at after school).

I guess I am a little discomfited partly because of how my mother reacted to an anecdote I related to her while we were all at the beach. We were on a pretty empty beach near a couple of college-age guys who were quietly drinking beers and then went in the water to play frisbee. I had said hello to them when we sat down (it's a small beach and a small town). When they went in the water where the kids were playing Casper said hello and they were genial and good natured and played frisbee with her for a little while. We were sitting at the water's edge and watching. One of the guys was not in a swimsuit, just shorts, and his shorts got droopy and the waistband of his underwear was showing. Casper told him to pull up his pants.

I related this little story to my mother as a "funny things kids say" story, and she freaked out, yelled at me about Casper's safety, brought it up separately and later with mr. flea, and it was pretty much the root cause of our inability to get along while we were there visiting.

Recently while visiting good friend she was also a little flirty with the daddy in the family, and I think was just barely aware of the effect she was having (he was actually a little uncomfortable, possible because she was just out of the bath and shed her towel; we got her dressed pretty swiftly).

What's y'all's take on the normalcy of flirty little girls? Do you think I really need to be concerned about her safety when she is interacting with people in public under my watchful eye (people I have spoken to first, demonstrating it's okay?)