counseling/brain dump

My counselor recommended guided meditations for anxiety today, but until I can find the time for that, maybe dumping some of the things in my head will help.

-talk to realtors and pick one
-get approved for financing
-make list of dream house, what we'd settle for, necessary features (dishwasher)
-consider buying a cheap house and taking out extra loan $ to build screened porch (tens of thousands, I am told on good authority)
-schools: Montessori vs. public, visit (talk to Mrs. B about Casper's temperament)
-visit!!
-develop hard time frame with mr. flea (this really needs to come FIRST)
-yard sale (to coincide with Mother visit in May?)
-stop thinking about whether or not we'll have a third child until after settled in new location
-go ahead and sell the damned baby stuff at yard sale - as B. said, you can always buy more on Craigslist if you do have a 3rd child, and none of our stuff is fancy anyway
-seriously purge our stuff - anything not worn/used/opened since we've lived in NC (six years, people!) has got to GO. (Exception: family heirlooms). Get rid of crappy furniture. Not worth paying to move things we don't want to own.

Seriously, the mental burden of our hypothetical future yard sale is IMMENSE. I have detailed mental lists of which items we are keeping, which we are selling, donating to TROSA, Goodwill, how to give away food and cosmetic items so they don't have to go in the trash and be wasted. If I could use this mental energy for good, I'd be Mother Teresa by now.

race and the 4 year old

Last night Casper and I were watching American Idol when a Barack Obama commercial came on. She watched and the said aloud, "Barack Obama." I said, "He's running for president." She said, "But he's BROWN!" I replied something like, "Yes, so he is." Then a beat while I tried to think of something more affirming to say, and I came out with, "Daddy and I like his ideas and are thinking about voting for him."

I swear, if the kid would ask me about how babies are made, I would be just fine, but nooooo, it's got to be race and gender and class and stuff. I tried to respond to "But he's BROWN!" with the same neutral "there are all kinds of people" tone I use when she says things like, "That man is SO HAIRY!" or "Why does he have woman hair?"

I just feel so unprepared for parenthood sometimes.