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Apr. 19th, 2004 12:09 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fleaFeeling unaccountably good this morning. The weekend went well; I could genuinely plead extreme exhaustion when I didn't want to be social with our houseguest. Had people over for dinner last night - the two other families we're looking at nanny-sharing with, so they could meet each other - and it was lots of fun and completely chaotic - 3 kids under 15 months will do that. When I lived in CT we had a monthly "supper club" with a group of friends. We'd pick a theme or a cuisine and one household was the host and assigned parts of a meal for the others to bring. It was great fun and we kept it good-spirited - we enjoyed trying new things (did Indian and Chinese themes) but didn't get super-competitive about our cooking or hosting. I'd like to start something like that here, but it would be a little different given the need to organize around Casper.
The bad part of the weekend was very very bad. I was trying to get Casper to go to bed Saturday night, and mr. flea and our guest had gone out for a beer. She was very tired but wouldn't settle, arching her back and crying even when I was holding her in my arms, and I was very tired (I find I can get her to sleep much better when I have a little energy - it's like I exert my will on her.) So I gave up and put her in the crib and left the room, and let her cry for five minutes. When I came back she had gotten up to rock on her hands and knees and was truly sobbing - all blotchy-faced. I turned her over and gave her the pacifier and she went right to sleep. And then I tortured myself emotionally for the next 3 hours for being such a bad mother. Because the worst part was, while I left her to cry, I was thinking "You deserve this for making me so exhausted and miserable." I have kind of forgiven myself - I was incredibly tired, leaving her to cry for 5 minutes is not abusive, having bad thoughts is not the same as doing bad things - but kind of not.
En route to preventing this from happening again, mr. flea read a good review article on infant sleep I found and feels like he has a handle on what to do. When he got home Saturday night he took over again, and while she woke up almost every hour Saturday, last night (with him in charge again) she went to bed easily (which she usually does) and woke only at 11:45, 2 (which is her difficult wakeup - but he got her to go back to sleep without nursing), and 4. If we can keep with the program all week we may establish a new routine. I am completely unable to deal with this situation rationally, in part because I'm so tired, and in part because of my emotional engagement - I have such trouble letting the baby cry at all, even if she is fine, and is safe in bed, and being patted and soothed verbally. mr. flea is astonished by my irrationality, which amuses me.
Note to the universe: if I am desperate for a nap, please do not cause the phone to ring while I am sleeping. Nobody ever calls us, except when I am sleeping.
Funny thing: mr. flea using his Winston Churchill impression to get the baby to do things. It started out as Darth Vader: "Casper, this is your father speaking, you must blah blah..." but somehow got a jowly British accent and turned into: "We will eat peas on the beaches, we will eat peas in the fields, we will eat peas in the streets, and we will never, never, never spit them out."
The bad part of the weekend was very very bad. I was trying to get Casper to go to bed Saturday night, and mr. flea and our guest had gone out for a beer. She was very tired but wouldn't settle, arching her back and crying even when I was holding her in my arms, and I was very tired (I find I can get her to sleep much better when I have a little energy - it's like I exert my will on her.) So I gave up and put her in the crib and left the room, and let her cry for five minutes. When I came back she had gotten up to rock on her hands and knees and was truly sobbing - all blotchy-faced. I turned her over and gave her the pacifier and she went right to sleep. And then I tortured myself emotionally for the next 3 hours for being such a bad mother. Because the worst part was, while I left her to cry, I was thinking "You deserve this for making me so exhausted and miserable." I have kind of forgiven myself - I was incredibly tired, leaving her to cry for 5 minutes is not abusive, having bad thoughts is not the same as doing bad things - but kind of not.
En route to preventing this from happening again, mr. flea read a good review article on infant sleep I found and feels like he has a handle on what to do. When he got home Saturday night he took over again, and while she woke up almost every hour Saturday, last night (with him in charge again) she went to bed easily (which she usually does) and woke only at 11:45, 2 (which is her difficult wakeup - but he got her to go back to sleep without nursing), and 4. If we can keep with the program all week we may establish a new routine. I am completely unable to deal with this situation rationally, in part because I'm so tired, and in part because of my emotional engagement - I have such trouble letting the baby cry at all, even if she is fine, and is safe in bed, and being patted and soothed verbally. mr. flea is astonished by my irrationality, which amuses me.
Note to the universe: if I am desperate for a nap, please do not cause the phone to ring while I am sleeping. Nobody ever calls us, except when I am sleeping.
Funny thing: mr. flea using his Winston Churchill impression to get the baby to do things. It started out as Darth Vader: "Casper, this is your father speaking, you must blah blah..." but somehow got a jowly British accent and turned into: "We will eat peas on the beaches, we will eat peas in the fields, we will eat peas in the streets, and we will never, never, never spit them out."
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Date: 2004-04-19 01:01 pm (UTC)