I well remember the deep resentment and impatience I felt during Emmett's no-sleeping years. Not only one of the hardest parts of baby-parenting I had to endure, but also a period that I look back on with some contrition. I wasn't at my best.
I do remember the moment when I turned it around. I was up for the probably the third time that night, 3am or later, in the rocking chair with him. And I'd been so grumpy about getting up - for months. And this was after many months of getting used to it. I was just sitting there in the chair, hating it all, and I realized I had my eyes closed. I was being gentle, and rocking him, but I wasn't looking at him. And I forced myself to look at him. And I realized I had been treating him as a problem, instead of a person.
The tricky thing about epiphanies is that I can't just hand that one over to you and have it mean anything.
But what it meant to me was to change my focus from the situation and trying to bring my focus back to him as a person. I needed to pay very close attention to him as if I were learning him over from scratch. You get into a lot of habits as a parent, and when they're little they outgrow your habits so quickly. At least for myself, it always helped to re-learn Emmett. To not presume anything about him.
Wish I could help you on the work issue. When you figure it out, I'll be awaiting your advice.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2005-02-07 07:38 pm (UTC)I do remember the moment when I turned it around. I was up for the probably the third time that night, 3am or later, in the rocking chair with him. And I'd been so grumpy about getting up - for months. And this was after many months of getting used to it. I was just sitting there in the chair, hating it all, and I realized I had my eyes closed. I was being gentle, and rocking him, but I wasn't looking at him. And I forced myself to look at him. And I realized I had been treating him as a problem, instead of a person.
The tricky thing about epiphanies is that I can't just hand that one over to you and have it mean anything.
But what it meant to me was to change my focus from the situation and trying to bring my focus back to him as a person. I needed to pay very close attention to him as if I were learning him over from scratch. You get into a lot of habits as a parent, and when they're little they outgrow your habits so quickly. At least for myself, it always helped to re-learn Emmett. To not presume anything about him.
Wish I could help you on the work issue. When you figure it out, I'll be awaiting your advice.