I always find it interesting to see how other couples juggle domestic duties. My husband and I have had so many bitter arguments about the division of domestic labor. Things are not perfect, but they are much more sorted than they used to be. The two biggest changes we have made are:
- getting a cleaner to come for 2 hours a week. In some ways, I don't feel much cleaning gets done over the 2 hours, and I am always thinking I would rather save the money and do it myself, but rationally I have to admit that the money is definitely worth it, because at least the grittiest of the cleaning (bathroom and kitchen) get done once a week, and M and I ARE NOT FIGHTING ABOUT IT. So yes, it is good. both of us pitch in before the cleaner's arrival and do some lightning tidying up so that she can actually clean.
- M does all the dishes and I do all the laundry. This sounds similar to your laundry/trash division, but I suspect the dishes are more work than the trash! I often come round after him and wipe down surfaces and stuff, because our standards of 'clean' vary a little, but basically, it works for us.
Neither of us is good at organization and schedules, so I can't imagine trying a rota.
The one thing I would still like to sort out is the shopping. We do it online when we are organized enough but most of the time it's last-minute and ad hoc, and I waste a lot of time going to the supermarket on an almost daily basis.
I know what you mean about it being simpler on your own, though. I have felt sheepish before when I catch myself doing tasks without resentment (because M is away for a few days) that I would normally only do with resentment and protest. It's hard for me to find the right balance between making sure the division of labor is essentially fair, and not being petty and nagging and sour.
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branchandroot
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Date: 2010-01-26 03:02 pm (UTC)- getting a cleaner to come for 2 hours a week. In some ways, I don't feel much cleaning gets done over the 2 hours, and I am always thinking I would rather save the money and do it myself, but rationally I have to admit that the money is definitely worth it, because at least the grittiest of the cleaning (bathroom and kitchen) get done once a week, and M and I ARE NOT FIGHTING ABOUT IT. So yes, it is good. both of us pitch in before the cleaner's arrival and do some lightning tidying up so that she can actually clean.
- M does all the dishes and I do all the laundry. This sounds similar to your laundry/trash division, but I suspect the dishes are more work than the trash! I often come round after him and wipe down surfaces and stuff, because our standards of 'clean' vary a little, but basically, it works for us.
Neither of us is good at organization and schedules, so I can't imagine trying a rota.
The one thing I would still like to sort out is the shopping. We do it online when we are organized enough but most of the time it's last-minute and ad hoc, and I waste a lot of time going to the supermarket on an almost daily basis.
I know what you mean about it being simpler on your own, though. I have felt sheepish before when I catch myself doing tasks without resentment (because M is away for a few days) that I would normally only do with resentment and protest. It's hard for me to find the right balance between making sure the division of labor is essentially fair, and not being petty and nagging and sour.