ugh

[flea]

This morning with Casper was sort of reminiscent of the bad old two year old days of screaming fights over getting dressed. Or the bad old four year old days of the same (remember that time mr. flea had to drive Casper to school in her underpants?) She did not want to wear any of the choices she had (i.e. everything that was clean - I was not limiting her choices). She ended up going to camp in a YMCA t-shirt and plaid shorts that she likes but I agree are a little bit too small, and there were floods of tears and I had to basically leave her there crying, with no support from the stupid (male) counselors (and no help from Casper at pulling herself together).

We've had a lot of trouble with clothes this summer. Nothing is right. A couple of weeks ago I went through all her clothes with her and pulled out everything that didn't fit or she said she didn't like. (Including two brand new pairs of Gap Kids shorts that she picked out.) This left nearly nothing, with a special shortage on the bottom. This weekend she picked two new pairs of shorts at Old Navy and I told her that was it as far as me buying her new clothes this summer. But of course they are both in the laundry, and I refuse to do extra laundry simply because Casper can't frickin decide what she wants to wear.

I have no idea what the problem is, and while I'm somewhat sympathetic, I feel like we are offering her as much autonomy about clothing choices as is reasonable. She can wear anything she owns - even jeans even though it's 90 degrees - and at this point she has had input into the purchase of almost all the clothes she owns. I explained this morning about the laundry and the environment and the fact that doing laundry is work for me.

I think some of her social anxiety about the YMCA is getting focused onto the clothing issue. I just don't know what to do about it, beyond what we are already doing.

Comments

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

I am dealing with my stress by shopping the Hanna sale. Care to join me? (Although I guess if Casper picks out her own clothes, that sort of takes the fun out of it.)

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

I think she has aged out of Hanna, sadly. As far as her taste goes, anyway. She didn't wear her stripey dress all winter, doesn't like to wear tights, and for choice is in tight jeans and t-shirts with logos.

And Dillo has 10,000 outfits right now, thanks to Cashmere!

[amy37.livejournal.com]

There's not much to do, except make it clear to her that she can wear whatever she wants, if it's clean. Otherwise, I'd sort of ignore it, as hard as that can be. It could be a growth spurt (which was always accompanied by some behavior issues in my experience) or a development spurt, or almost anything. Let her know you sympathize with being unhappy, but otherwise make it clear it's up to her to handle her unhappiness, you know?

I know it's hard, though. Especially in the morning (ugh).

[sail-aweigh.livejournal.com]

Perhaps the problem is too much choice? Some kids get overwhelmed with options, I still do sometimes and I'm in my 50s! Is it possible to pull out two-three outfits the night before, let her cogitate over them, mix/match from them, etc. and then set it aside for the morning? Options are nice, but sometimes there needs to be more structure and boundaries to the process when there are a lot of other external stressors going on. Once she's comfortable with the day camp situation, you can reintroduce the complete wardrobe options again.

[burrell.livejournal.com]

I also was going to say that it might be too much choice. I usually offer my kids a window of opportunity (about 5 minutes or so) to choose their own outfits. If they don't shift into getting dressed mode after 5 minutes, I let them know I am now going to pick out something for them to wear. 95% of the time Franny will be dressed by then as she likes to pick out her own clothes (or wear her brother's), about 70% of the time I choose an outfit for Isaac and make sure he gets dressed. (Otherwise he'd opt for naked time.)

[serrana.livejournal.com]

Alternately, is she getting teased about her clothes at camp?

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

She actually says "everybody laughs at me." I'm not sure this is true (certainly not everybody!) I mean, maybe one time somebody said something, but looking at what the other kids are wearing, she is not dressed any differently to my eye. I suspect that she's socially stressed out in general and projecting that onto what she wears, rather than there actually being anything wrong with what she wears.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately I don't think that's it. Our routine is I ask if she wants to pick her clothes or she wants me to pick. Almost always, she wants me to pick. So I pick something, which she rejects (usually only in part) and she's allowed to switch out the shirt so it matches better or whatever.

Isaac is still a nudist, huh?

[serrana.livejournal.com]

Oh, there's probably nothing at all wrong with what she wears, per se, but...you might want to talk with the camp staff about it, if she's having this much stress over it, because that can be a sign that she's getting bullied and that it's manifesting itself in people teasing her about her clothing.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

Gosh, I hope not. I'll talk to her again. I think it is more the large scale of things (at drop off the whole mass of 5-6 year olds are in a gym together and there are 110 of them) and the masses of people she doesn't yet know. Which wouldn't have bothered her a year ago, just like the "scary" parts in Up wouldn't have scared her a year ago, but two weeks ago she was whimpering in mr. flea's arms.

[serrana.livejournal.com]

Yeah, and obviously I don't know Casper, but...if Herself were bothered enough by something like that to work up the nerve to tell me about it? It would be a sign that there was Something Really Unhappymaking going down.

[burrell.livejournal.com]

Yep, when he gets the chance. I do try to keep him in at least underpants, but it doesn't always work out that way.

[wandsci.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)]

Maybe try picking out two or three options, and letting her choose between them?

Another idea- you could pick the outfit the night before. Maybe she just needs time to adjust/make the decision. I know I do if it is a big event... I wouldn't want to get up the morning of a job interview or something and just grab something from my closet. Maybe everyday of camp feels as important as a job interview to her right now?

Of course, since my daughter is only two, I haven't really got any experience in this, so my ideas may be bunk.