a small rant
May. 17th, 2009 08:51 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
fleaOr, why I am skeptical about "choice feminism."
I am all in favor of women having choices, and making the best choices for themselves and their families.
But, I have problems with choice feminism in a couple of areas. The fact of the matter is that modern American society is not set up on a basis that allows for equal choice. There are social, political, and economic pressures that conspire to make full-time employment outside the home of both parents undesireable for many families with minor children. When a family chooses to have one parent stay home, those same pressures mean that the parent chosen is overwhelmingly the woman (in opposite-gender couples, natch, as throughout here. The pressures on same-sex couples are sometimes the same and sometimes different.) The simple fact that men tend to make more money than women (leaving aside pay discrepancies in the same fields, male-dominated fields are generally better rewarded than female-dominated fields) is the deciding factor for many, if not most, families who opt to have a stay-at-home parent and even consider the father staying home. I strongly recommend the book "Opting Out" by Pamela Stone, which illustrates well how some women are forced by circumstances into the "choice" to stay home, when workplace flexibility and fewer societal pressures about extra-curriculars and additional partner support (many of these high-powered women had even more high-powered spouses) would make things different. (http://www.amazon.com/Opting-Out-Women-Really-Careers/dp/0520244354)
I feel pressure to stay home with my kids all the time: when my low-paying job is boring, when I'm worried about changes in Dillo's daycare, when my mother calls and tells me it's time to think about music lessons for Casper (when? she's in after school until 5:30), when the house is dirty and the lawn isn't mowed, when I can't make the PTA meetings because I choose to spend all my time when I'm not working with my family. My husband, I assure you, does not feel pressured to make that choice, though he would make an excellent stay at home father.
I am all in favor of women having choices, and making the best choices for themselves and their families.
But, I have problems with choice feminism in a couple of areas. The fact of the matter is that modern American society is not set up on a basis that allows for equal choice. There are social, political, and economic pressures that conspire to make full-time employment outside the home of both parents undesireable for many families with minor children. When a family chooses to have one parent stay home, those same pressures mean that the parent chosen is overwhelmingly the woman (in opposite-gender couples, natch, as throughout here. The pressures on same-sex couples are sometimes the same and sometimes different.) The simple fact that men tend to make more money than women (leaving aside pay discrepancies in the same fields, male-dominated fields are generally better rewarded than female-dominated fields) is the deciding factor for many, if not most, families who opt to have a stay-at-home parent and even consider the father staying home. I strongly recommend the book "Opting Out" by Pamela Stone, which illustrates well how some women are forced by circumstances into the "choice" to stay home, when workplace flexibility and fewer societal pressures about extra-curriculars and additional partner support (many of these high-powered women had even more high-powered spouses) would make things different. (http://www.amazon.com/Opting-Out-Women-Really-Careers/dp/0520244354)
I feel pressure to stay home with my kids all the time: when my low-paying job is boring, when I'm worried about changes in Dillo's daycare, when my mother calls and tells me it's time to think about music lessons for Casper (when? she's in after school until 5:30), when the house is dirty and the lawn isn't mowed, when I can't make the PTA meetings because I choose to spend all my time when I'm not working with my family. My husband, I assure you, does not feel pressured to make that choice, though he would make an excellent stay at home father.
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no subject
Date: 2009-05-17 01:30 pm (UTC)Whee, we all get to be casualties of the mommy wars! There's gotta be a better way....
no subject
Date: 2009-05-17 02:07 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-17 04:47 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2009-05-28 04:55 am (UTC)I have often wondered whether some of the reason for my low level of angst as a working mom has to do with the fact that in my family, I happen to be the one who earns more money and that the money is good enough that I never feel like I'm just working to pay for day care.
But then I also know that I am the type of person who really does need an outside the home life, and I'm a better mother because I have it. I fervently believe that all women who are like me should get to have said life, even if their chosen outside the home pursuit doesn't pay as much as mine does. It is not about the money... but the money makes it easier. For one thing, it pays for a housecleaning service so that at least once a month I don't feel bad about how dirty my house is.
I also often wish that I could go back to my grad school self, who was pretty well terrified by the dire warnings about how hard it is to mix a career in science with motherhood and tell her- you know what, you'll figure it out. I am not having anywhere near the trouble I expected to have. Which is not to say that some women scientists don't have trouble keeping their career on track and having kids. But I think when they do, it is plain old sexism/discrimination more times than not, and the fact that the woman has kids is just a convenient excuse used by the sexists to try to paper over their sexism.
But I also think that our society does a piss-poor job of supporting working parents I can't blame any woman for not choosing to fight the circumstances to stay in her career if that is not a fight she wants to take on in her life.
So I guess my opinions on this matter are a hopeless jumble.