so begins a week of tooth-pulling

[flea]

Literally, for my coworker who is getting her wisdom teeth out. Just figuratively, for me - library school midterm.

We went to church yesterday, at the Unitarian Church. I don't know if it's going to be something we can do - I don't know if any church is going to be something we can do. They had a children's service in the community room, which they seem to do every other week, with singing and candle lighting and joys and concerns and about 15 words on the week's topic (forgiveness, for Yom Kippur.) Then the children went to the RE classrooms, and the grownups went to the regular service. There were probably 20 kids in the range of PreK-5th grade, and the RE classes are (babies), preschool, K-1, 2-3, 4-5, with maybe 5 or so kids in each one. It seems a decent size. K-1 was run this week by an assistant at Casper's school. We also met the RE coordinator, who had the classic cheery demeanor of an elementary school teacher and basically ran the service.

There was no way Dillo was going to go to the nursery, because he is so slow to warm up, and Casper was reluctant to the whole endeavor. She didn't want to go in the first place, and sat in mr. flea's lap through the children's service, and didn't want to go to RE. So I sat in the (tiny) quiet room with the kids and mr. flea attended the service. The main congregation seemed to trend quite old - I would estimate 50% retirees, and older-looking retirees (looked older than my mother and stepfather, for example). It's a small place, though it was full, and judging by the calendar seems to be quite active. The music was decent; the main sung piece I heard was a Jewish prayer piece, and the piano at the offertory was very good. The interim minister was an ocean geographer and lived in Woods Hole for 12 years before becoming a minister, and gave a routine lesson on forgiveness.

We didn't really get a chance to talk to many people, what with children and our natures. Didn't see anyone we recognized from elsewhere (except the teacher from Casper's school) which actually very much surprised me - Athens being a town where everywhere you go you run into someone you know, and between the neighborhood, the librarians, and the environmental scientists you'd think there would be Unitarians.

I don't know if it's the right thing for us. I like, in theory, the idea of community and religious education that is broad and inclusive for the children. In practice, attending church makes me feel squicky, and talking about feelings and spirituality makes me feel squicky, and all these nice open-hearted, touchy-feely people make me feel squicky. And clearly I am the one driving this train, if it is to be driven; the children are children, and mr. flea, while he agrees with the idea of going to church, is never going to get us out the door regularly on a Sunday of his own volition.

I am thinking of trying the Episcopalians, who also have the advantage of being in our neighborhood, because I may be better able to handle ritual I do not believe in. In ritual, you can at least go through the motions.

Comments

[dxmachina.livejournal.com]

I may be better able to handle ritual I do not believe in

It was a little strange reading this post having read some of your feelings about religion over the years. I can understand wanting to expose your children to some religious education, but I can't help but wonder if it's a good thing in the long run if you and mr. flea don't believe. That said, I would probably have no problem placing any theoretical children of mine in a parochial school, despite having abandoned religion decades ago. For me it would be more of a familiarity issue, because that was my experience.

I'm right with you on the ritual, though. Growing up Catholic means that pretty much any Protestant service other than Episcopal seems off-putting and strange.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

In some ways I feel obligated to provide a balance, you know? Also, mr. flea does believe in god, just in a sort of undefined and not feeling any need to attend services sort of way. Also also (god, I'm starting to write Palinesque sentences), I am sad about my lack of spirituality. I wish I could be happy with the nice touchy-feely people, you know? But not, so far.

[rivka.livejournal.com]

I can understand wanting to expose your children to some religious education, but I can't help but wonder if it's a good thing in the long run if you and mr. flea don't believe.

Actually, it's pretty common for Unitarian-Universalists to be atheists or agnostics, so there wouldn't necessarily be a mismatch or problem there if casperflea felt comfortable at a Unitarian church. But in the long run, yeah, it's not likely to work very well if you're trying to get your kids settled into an experience that makes you feel squicky.

[serrana.livejournal.com]

A couple of thoughts.

First, I don't really get the whole idea; my brother and I were raised by secular humanists, and have both turned out religious, so I tend to think that if your kids are meant to be religious, they will turn out that way (my parents remain distressed that Cap'n Dave and I are both Christians, and last year when I invited Mother to the Easter potluck, I got weeks of lectures on how I shouldn't keep trying to convert her. It's a potluck! Sheesh! I swear, we weren't doing forced conversions out behind the coleslaw!) And church is such a big timesink and all-around PITA that I can't imagine bothering with it if I weren't a believer.

Second, if you're looking for a place that'll have more young people, that will not be the Episcopal Church. Or any other mainline Protestant group. However, in my experience Episcopalians are a lot less touchy-feely than Unitarians (with all due respect, the Unitarians kinda squick me too), though in the South, I couldn't find an Episcopal church I could go to because they were all too hellfire-and-brimstoney. And it took us a year here to find a church I was comfortable with here, because I wasn't comfortable with having the kids in a Sunday School class taught by bigots.

[forodwaith.livejournal.com]

talking about feelings and spirituality makes me feel squicky, and all these nice open-hearted, touchy-feely people make me feel squicky.

Me too. Thankfully Catholics don't do any of that stuff, so if I wanted to unlapse (which will never happen) I could go back to the church. Converting to Catholicism, however, is probably a little extreme for your situation. Not so much with the broad outlook, either.

[lala-lisa.livejournal.com]

The Catholic church I grew up in was open-hearted and, if not touchy feely, warm and welcoming of all kinds of people.

[lala-lisa.livejournal.com]

which is to say, individual churches have their own flavors and maybe there is a UU church out there that is less hippified and that would be a better fit for flea and family.

[forodwaith.livejournal.com]

Oh, you're right -- there is a vast range of difference between individual churches, depending on the priest & the character of the congregation. I grew up attending a pretty traditional Catholic church that skewed to the formal side, but other ones nearby were much more casual. (Folk Masses, the horror!)

[mearagrrl.livejournal.com]

Hee. I totally agree with you DX--I think having grown up Catholic, I'm not sure I could do anything less ritual-y than Episcopalian. While I like the *idea* of the UU's, the few times I've actually been there, I just can't get down with it! Same with the MCC (the gay church).