(no subject)

[flea]

Sparked by a post from rliz about feeling phsyically intimate with her little sisters and maternal love - I've been thinking a lot about the baby as a little body. She is herself, of course, or will increasingly become so, anyway, but right now she's also me. I made her, for one thing. I mean, mr. flea helped at the start, but I did the heavy lifting, and still do. I'm still making her, with only occasional minor help from Gerber's rice cereal. And I feel physically intimate with her in a way that I have never been with anyone else (except, presumably, my own mother, but I don't remember that). I love her physicality - I sniff her and nibble her constantly, from ears to toes. I like to have her next to me in bed - she feels like a little warm bud, an outgrowth of myself. It's something that I am sometimes wary of - my mother still has a level of possessive "MINE" about her children, and especially me, her first, and before we knew Casper was a girl I wanted a boy so as to have some kind of otherness boundary between me and the baby, to keep me from being an over-identifying, smothering mother. But now that it's here, that she's here, I celebrate it. For now, while she's small, it's somehow right for her to be an outgrowth of me. And she will grow further out and away as she gets bigger, and then will be the time that I have to watch myself and let her go. But now, OH her skin! Oh sniffing her little head-fuzz! Oh kissing the fat muscular nursing cheeks!

And because I have to see everything with as clear an eye as possible, of course there are times I am overwhelmed by having this little body with me for long stretches - her grabby hands that can't yet know how hard they're pinching my neck, her spitup and pee, the constant danger of smelly dampness, her writhing and unwillingness to be held. So there's that, too.

Baby Human Tricks:
*Lying on tummy, puts her face down to the floor to scrabble her feet up in back, to get her knees under her, butt in the air.
*Getting very good at removing, then replacing pacifier. (We've said we'll take it away at 6 months - dear god, how?)
*Screams all the livelong day. Earsplitting, high-pitched baby screams (for the noise of it - we're not torturing her or anything). This will be fun for the next 3 years.

Comments

[orthoepy.livejournal.com]

Yeah -- LB wiggles away from me more now, doesn't want to be hugged and kissed as often, although he still will sit in my lap for long stretches, and wants to snuggle at bedtime and in the morning.

My favorite thing right now is when he will sit and hold my hand while we read stories. It's marvelous.

Why six months for the paci? I'd wait until closer to a year, so that she understands restrictions. First make it only in the house, then only in her room, then only at bedtime, then only for ten minutes (use a timer), and so forth. Our dentist actually said that if LB would have used a pacifier, he might not have his underbite, but he hated them and wouldn't have a single one (we tried every brand ...)

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

I think the idea is in to take the plug away before she gets too attached to it emotionally - while it still fills a need (for sucking) and isn't yet merely a habit. When we first gave it to her she was like a nicotine addict with the first cigarette after a transatlantic flight - sucking with a manic energy. She needs it a lot less now, but it does help her get to sleep, or calm down if she's worked up. I'm okay if she replaces it with fingers/thumb (which she does suck now, rather indiscriminately but with a tendency to favor her right thumb). I find three year old thumb-suckers tend to suck when sleepy/needy, but I've seen lots of three year old pacifier users just plugged up all day long for no reason but habit.

[orthoepy.livejournal.com]

Ah, that makes a lot of sense. I was thinking of it like weaning, but of course there are lots of substitutes for a pacifier.

You know what I miss about babies that age? Watching them fall asleep -- LB used to go out all of a sudden, like flicking off a switch. One minute he was up, the next eyes were closed and he was snoring little baby snores. Now he eases into it, like someone getting into a cold pool ...

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

Heh. When she was smaller, at the height of her "I will cry now for an hour for no reason other than my nervous system is somewhat underdeveloped" phase she would fall asleep mid-cry. It was like she'd dropped dead - a little scary. Of course, once we determined she was, in fact, still alive, we were profoundly relieved.

[burrell.livejournal.com]

I may be a freak, but I don't see what's wrong with a baby or a toddler using a pacifier or sucking her thumb as much as she wants. I get the feeling many parents see it as a bad thing. The whyfor has never been clear to me.

Franny used her pacifier way more a couple months ago. These days she isn't really interested. She'd rather suck on fingers, either hers or mine. She uses the paci as a chew toy instead, pulls it out and puts the side in her mouth (it's soft and pliable.) I'm guessing she'll wean herself entierly long before it would occur to me to try to wean her.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

I think there's some (debatable) concern about dentition and/or orthodontics. Classically, thumb-sucking supposedly leads to an overbite, but I don't know if it's really supported by medical studies. (I sucked my thumb until I was 13, including while I had braces, so who the hell am I to talk!)

Personally, I have a problem with pacifiers in kids who are of speaking age, and it's a problem I don't have with finger-sucking. I also have a (probably related) problem with the use of a pacifier to make a kid shut up, as opposed to encouraging exploration of orality (the kind of play Franny is doing) or fulfilling a specific sucking need.

[casperflea.livejournal.com]

Huh. I guess I have a problem with how some parents use pacifiers to control their children, rather than an intrinsic problem with pacifiers. Trouble is, I see the "put the pacifier in! It quiets her down! And she's shrieking in public!" tendency incipent in myself, so I'm extra-vehement in fighting it.

[burrell.livejournal.com]

Classically, thumb-sucking supposedly leads to an overbite, but I don't know if it's really supported by medical studies.

I haven't ever seen the medical support either. I tend to think the problem is overrated.

My nephew used his pacifier up until he was 4 or so. He used it to soothe himself when he was upset. When he was sad he'd go find it and he clearly took a lot of solace in his sucking. I can't imagine denying that to my child if she needed it. He eventually decided on his own that he was old enough to put the pacifier away. He weaned himself.

Trouble is, I see the "put the pacifier in! It quiets her down! And she's shrieking in public!" tendency incipent in myself, so I'm extra-vehement in fighting it.

I dunno. Is it so bad to give your baby something that clearly soothes her when she's upset? I mean, sure I try to figure out *what* is upsetting her to see if I can fix it, but sometimes the problem isn't fixable--like she's fussing herself to sleep, for example.