Happy Mother's Day, or, how I read Caitlin Flangan this morning and kept both sanity and temper

Ms. Flanagan's book is mistitled; it should be called "To Hell With All That: Loving and Loathing MY Inner Housewife." Because what it is is a personal memoir about one slightly nutso woman's relationship with modern American upper-middle-class motherhood, not a broader sociological analysis much less a policy statement.

So while I read it (an ARC given me by RFMom who got it as a literature librarian; I didn't actually enrich Flanagan or her publishers) in an hour and 40 minutes this morning before my family woke up (it's a speedy read, and short too) I found myself enjoying it. Flanagan is a good writer, in the technical sense: she's funny, she's articulate, she writes enjoyable light magaziney prose. Anytime she started to talk about "women" or "us" I just automagically substituted "me" (me-Flanagan, not me-me, needless to say) and kept my head. Most of her general statements are offensive, risible, or both, but as me-statements thay're sometimes funny and often rather sad, sometimes simultaneously. I think much of the sadness stems from her lack of self-awareness - it's an accidentally confessional memoir, rather than anything honestly introspective. But providing me much insight nonetheless.

Maybe I'm just feeling forgiving today. I still would much rather see a woman who can seriously discuss and culturally critique American attitudes towards family, economics, and motherhood as a staff writer at the New Yorker.

I also really like the commentary on Flanagan at Friday Playdate (my current favorite blog about motherhood by someone I don't actually know): http://fridayplaydate.blogspot.com/

planning is good...

So, we have a tentative plan for my maternity leave and our child care situation going forward. It goes like this:

Baby born ca. July 20 (a Thursday).

Vacation/sick time: 3 weeks
Paid parental leave: 3 weeks (can't be first 3 weeks of a parental leave!)
Unpaid leave: 2 weeks (may have some time paid depending on how fast I accrue time between now and then, but almost certainly not even a full week, so half-pay or less).

That takes us to Sept. 14 and an 8-week old baby.

flea return to work:
2 weeks at 10 hours at work (probably 8-10 am) and 10 hours at home (probably financial catch-up and web work).
That's two weeks at half pay; takes us to end of September.
Child care for the baby during these weeks would be mr. flea. (With Casper continuing in school).

2 weeks at 20 hours at work and 10 hours at home.
Two weeks at 3/4 pay.
By this time we'd hope to be starting with part-time student child care (probably); if we hadn't got something fixed up yet, mr. flea could cover.
This takes us to Oct. 10th, at which point FMLA runs out.

Back to work for reals:
flea 30 hours at work (7:30-1:30/2) and 10 hours at home.
Child care: mr. flea mornings (until 9:30 or 10, which is generally not productive time for him anyway); student(s) 20 hours, 10-2ish.
We'd carry on this schedule through the fall semester. Child care costs would be $200/week for the baby, plus $600/month for Casper.

We'll put the baby on the wait list for the Day Care for Jan. 1 or so; that way if mr. flea finishes fast and gets a job we can skip it, but if things drag on we can use it and maybe avoid rejuggling student caregivers for spring semester. It's $75 to wait list, but I think it's worth it, and our odds of getting a space by Jan. 1 are okay, and by next summer very good indeed. Except let's not let it drag on that long, please!

garden update

Flowers:
last of the iris are still blooming
first two liliesin bloom http://www.flickr.com/photos/casperflea/146177193/
clematis and rose blooming together http://www.flickr.com/photos/casperflea/146177195/
lavendar is in bloom
front yard pansies are holding on; impatiens and torenia in waiting for their demise

Food:
we're eating peas and peas; they have flopped rather seriously though and I am out of sticks
pole beans are up, as yet uneaten by rabbits, have 2 sets of true leaves
beets and carrots looking lovely, need more thinning http://www.flickr.com/photos/casperflea/146177194/in/photostream/
tomatoes, zucchini, eggplant seem to be settling in well
lettuce needs to be eaten
spinach has bolted and been pulled

Comparing the two peas, Premium vs. Caseload

Premium: 52 days. Indeed, earlier by about a week. These are indeed much like the past two years' Dakota; smallish pods, almost always 5 peas or fewer. They plump quickly and you have to keep after them or they get too big and starchy. Good flavor when picked promptly.

Caseload: 57 days. Taller vines; they are what caused the peas to flop everywhere. Well-supported they'd probably be 3 feet. Larger pods, often with 6-8 peas, but the pods get large and puffy fast and then the peas themselves are very slow to develop, so it's a waiting game. This is a positive as you avoid the starchy problem, but a negative for the impatient. Flavor is okay, but I like the others better. A heavier bearer than Premium.

I'll definitely get Premium again, and might try a different second variety next year.