Sleep and the working mother

This week, she's been up at least every two hours in the night to nurse. Because she's in our bed, it's less disruptive than it would be otherwise - I know for certain I was asleep while she nursed between 3 and 3:30 - but it still makes for an exhausting night. Last night - to bed at 8:30; I was asleep by 9. We nursed at 10:45, 1, 3, 4:30 (which involved a leaky diaper, so a diaper change, outfit change, and towel in the bed (mr. flea will change the sheets today)). And of course she was wide-eyed at the end of all that! We both feigned deep sleep and she decided that was wise for her as well and after some wiggling (her hands in my hair) she slept more too. Nursed again at 6:45, at which point I got up for the day. They were still sleeping when I left at 7:30.

Now, this is kind of a horror story, I know. She's four months old; everyone who meets her has "does she sleep through the night?" as one of their first questions. I simply lie. Mr. flea has not figured this out yet - he explains! But, despite the wakiness - which I am told is not unusual in the child of a nursing mother who is away 9 hours a day - she wants mother-time, so she makes it for herself in the night - I really love sleeping with the baby.

She's small and warm. She snuggles to me in her sleep. She sleeps with such abandon - limp arms flung out, back often arched, her nose pressed against the side of my pillow. I generally end up with her left hand under my neck, or in my hair, or fumbling along my back as she stirs. She mostly falls asleep like an angel - we read a book in bed, usually Eric Carle's 'Brown Bear, Brown Bear,' and I turn out the light, and she arches and kicks a bit, settles down, and she's out. If she wakes before us in the morning, full rested, she doesn't cry, but sniffs the air and looks wide-eyed at the light coming through the blinds, and only wakes me because of the unavoidable wiggling. Best is when I wake and then watch her wake up: eyes open, she sees me watching and grins at me, then raises her arms above her head, fists, draws her legs up, and farts like a sailor. She seems to take great joy in her morning farting routine, which is extensive and stinky. I regret the inevitable time when she is schooled to realize farts are not to be celebrated, when she loses her sense of one-ness with her body, when she wakes less eager for the day.

The Women's Initiative

This morning a key member of the Women's Initiative at the Looni spoke to the monthly assembly of my colleagues. As a result of this initiative, my employer has added 3 weeks paid parental leave for staff (previously: none), has expanded the on-campus child-care facility, doubling it in size, and has renovated the campus Lactation Rooms.

Of course, the on-campus child care facility now has ca. 140 slots for childen aged 0-5; there are 25,000 staff members. You pay $75 to get on the wait list, receive an email that you are on the wait list, and then, you wait. You are told nothing about the length of the wait list or how soon you may reasonably expect a place even if you ask. You are not contacted again unless there is a place. My colleague enrolled her daughter 6 months before the daughter was conceived, and just got in when daughter is aged 9 months. That's two years waiting, despite huge expansion in the size of the facility (infant positions went from 4 to 24), and a boost because my colleague's son was already in care there and they have a sibling program. We got on the wait list when Casper was 2 months old. Today I complained about the lack of communication to the Women's Initiative person, and was told, "you know, there are 100 infants on the wait list." We are clearly towards the bottom of that list, and I knew we should have got on the list when she was in utero, but it's damned hard to be that perspicacious. Our current (good) child care situation expires in May, and then we will scramble all over again. I have clearly wasted the $75, and $75 bills do not grow on trees in my yard.

I took the Women's Initiative person to see our "newly renovated" Lactation Room. In the renovation, they added a comfy chair, a table which they then covered with pamphlets so you can't use it, and a lamp. There is also a nice new Medela Lactina professional pump. Still there from before the renovation are: yawing sofa/bed, bare white walls, linoleum floor, scary prehistoric hospital grade pump, assorted trash and boxes. There is a key-card entry to the door, but it has not been activated, so anyone can turn the handle and walk in, and currently there is no way to latch the door. I put a sign on the door saying "occupied" when I use the room twice daily. Women's Initiative person took notes about what was still not up to par - we'll see what transpires. This is the Lactation Room for our campus (one of three campuses). And they wonder why nobody uses it.