I'm sorry. I understand your anger. I wish I could restore your sleep. It's hard to cope with anything without a full night's sleep. {{hugs}}} If you do want a new option, read on. If this rant was just to vent, ignore.
I'm thinking we need to try something completely new, but I'm not sure what it is. Have her sleep on a pillow on the floor in our bedroom?
My s-i-l chose the pillow-on-floor route, and is having problems getting her 13 year old girl out of the room. She pounds on her parents locked door in the night. Her 9 year old is a good sleeper because the parents were so busy dealing with the eldest. S-i-l just said her 5 year old son sleeps in her room. I wanted to clock her, because I've been listening to her complain about her oldest for the past 9 years.
Based on what I've seen with family and friends, I recommend, if you can find do it (and mr. flea), consider the hard-ass route.
Wait 'til the weekend, but prime her this week. Frame the idea as part of what big 2 year old kids do. Friday, a good while before bed, Daddy, you and Casper call a family meeting. She'll think that's interesting. Explain that means the family has a problem and will work together to solve it.
Explain, calmly and cheerfully, that Mommy and Daddy need uninterrupted sleep so that they can be healthy and lots of fun, that only little babies (said slightly disparaging) nurse at night, and only because their bellies are too small to hold a night's worth of milk. Tell her the dr. says great big 2 year olds don't nurse at night. State your expectation is that she will sleep through, if she wakes, she will work to get herself back to sleep, and that as a member of the family, she must help with family problems when her help is needed.
Now, this isn't going to do it. It's the set-up. She understands far more than she can articulate, so it will give you something to reference, when she does wake.
<tough love&ght; When she wakes, let it go for as long as you can. Then Daddy-only, goes in, and says, "Casper, remember our family meeting? Nighttime is for sleeping. Mommy and I need to sleep to be healthy, and lots of fun." When she protests, he can say, "I don't want to hear it. Go to sleep, or lie there quietly, but Mommy and I are sleeping. We'll see you in the morning."
Then, he has to walk away. Don't sleep in her room. Don't remain with her until she settles down. Discussion should be short, and firm in tones. In the day, the topic can be revisited cheerfully. At night, be all business. Any comfort she receives is taken as a reward for acting up.
Try not to go back after the 1st time, because it's the only way she'll take it seriously. If I went back (and since she wants Mommy, Daddy should go & make like you're sleeping) I'd keep my remarks to, "Stop it. We've made our decision at the family meeting. Quiet down," and then I'd walk away, again.
It may take a week or 2 of hell, but the sooner you prove you're serious, (this means no giving in this 1 time), the sooner it will sink in.
One of the more valuable pieces of parenting advice I've gotten over the years is about whining. I was told that when a parent first says, "No," but then gives in after X minutes of protest, all s/he's done is teach the to protest for X minutes.
I know this sounds (and feels) mean. It is. But now, she's being set up to develop some long-term sleep problems, which is also mean. If there's no physical need for her to be fed in the middle of the night, then she needs to get over it. She will benefit from learning to console herself over non-serious upsets (IOW, if she's not sick, hurt, or hasn't had a scary dream, etc.). </tough love&ght;
Be extra lovey in the day. If she still naps, set naps as early as you can, and limit--maybe even wake her after a 1/2 hour, so she's sleepier at night.
Give her a big carb and milk snack before bed. Reward her the first few times she is reasonably successful.
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branchandroot
Tough Approach
Date: 2005-09-11 12:52 pm (UTC)My s-i-l chose the pillow-on-floor route, and is having problems getting her 13 year old girl out of the room. She pounds on her parents locked door in the night. Her 9 year old is a good sleeper because the parents were so busy dealing with the eldest. S-i-l just said her 5 year old son sleeps in her room. I wanted to clock her, because I've been listening to her complain about her oldest for the past 9 years.
Based on what I've seen with family and friends, I recommend, if you can find do it (and mr. flea), consider the hard-ass route.
Wait 'til the weekend, but prime her this week. Frame the idea as part of what big 2 year old kids do. Friday, a good while before bed, Daddy, you and Casper call a family meeting. She'll think that's interesting. Explain that means the family has a problem and will work together to solve it.
Explain, calmly and cheerfully, that Mommy and Daddy need uninterrupted sleep so that they can be healthy and lots of fun, that only little babies (said slightly disparaging) nurse at night, and only because their bellies are too small to hold a night's worth of milk. Tell her the dr. says great big 2 year olds don't nurse at night. State your expectation is that she will sleep through, if she wakes, she will work to get herself back to sleep, and that as a member of the family, she must help with family problems when her help is needed.
Now, this isn't going to do it. It's the set-up. She understands far more than she can articulate, so it will give you something to reference, when she does wake.
<tough love&ght;
When she wakes, let it go for as long as you can. Then Daddy-only, goes in, and says, "Casper, remember our family meeting? Nighttime is for sleeping. Mommy and I need to sleep to be healthy, and lots of fun." When she protests, he can say, "I don't want to hear it. Go to sleep, or lie there quietly, but Mommy and I are sleeping. We'll see you in the morning."
Then, he has to walk away. Don't sleep in her room. Don't remain with her until she settles down. Discussion should be short, and firm in tones. In the day, the topic can be revisited cheerfully. At night, be all business. Any comfort she receives is taken as a reward for acting up.
Try not to go back after the 1st time, because it's the only way she'll take it seriously. If I went back (and since she wants Mommy, Daddy should go & make like you're sleeping) I'd keep my remarks to, "Stop it. We've made our decision at the family meeting. Quiet down," and then I'd walk away, again.
It may take a week or 2 of hell, but the sooner you prove you're serious, (this means no giving in this 1 time), the sooner it will sink in.
One of the more valuable pieces of parenting advice I've gotten over the years is about whining. I was told that when a parent first says, "No," but then gives in after X minutes of protest, all s/he's done is teach the to protest for X minutes.
I know this sounds (and feels) mean. It is. But now, she's being set up to develop some long-term sleep problems, which is also mean. If there's no physical need for her to be fed in the middle of the night, then she needs to get over it. She will benefit from learning to console herself over non-serious upsets (IOW, if she's not sick, hurt, or hasn't had a scary dream, etc.). </tough love&ght;
Be extra lovey in the day. If she still naps, set naps as early as you can, and limit--maybe even wake her after a 1/2 hour, so she's sleepier at night.
Give her a big carb and milk snack before bed. Reward her the first few times she is reasonably successful.