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co-sleeping
Reposted from a comment on another's locked post:
I thought co-sleeping was kind of an affected hippie thing to do before I had kids. Then Casper wouldn't sleep unless being held at about 2 months, and we decided that instead of dozing semi-upright on the futon in her room holding her, we might get more sleep lying down in a bed holding her. mr. flea was very concerned about safety, but I actually still slept rather badly with her in the bed, as I was hyper-aware of her presence and woke at every snort. We moved her out to a crib at about 9 months, when she was waking wanting to nurse every hour, and then spent the next year traipsing down the hall to comfort her in the wee hours. At about 21 months we moved her to a double bed futon on the floor and one of us would lie with her until she fell asleep. For most of the year she was 2 (much of which I was pregnant) mr. flea actually spent the whole night in her bed, since he'd fall asleep trying to get her to sleep. At about 3.5 she moved to a single bed and now nearly always sleeps through by herself.
We did try the cry-it-out method with Casper on several occasions (ages 9 months-2 years). It was not a good solution for us - she was stubborn and angry, and I was in agony.
With Dillo I decided to co-sleep from the get-go, and I also got him to nurse lying down by about 3 weeks (instead of 4 months with Casper). We kept a pack n play in our bedroom and occasionally he'd go to sleep in that. We moved him out to a crib down the hall at 12 months and mr. flea would ferry him back to nurse in our bed. He's had phases where he's slept nearly through 4 nights out of 7 (slept in his crib until 5am, then nursed in our bed and back to sleep in our bed) and phases, like now, when he spends most of the night in our bed. When we move next week we'll start the futon-on-the-floor thing with him; I hope we are able by the time he's 3 to have him on the lower bunk of Casper's bunk bed.
My philosophy now, and the advice I give new parents is, to try things until you find a sleep solution that gets the most sleep for everyone in the family, and to hell with what other people think. In my house, on any given night I, mr. flea, or Casper may be sleeping on the couch (Casper likes to sleep out there, or sometimes she'll build a nest of pillows in the living room and want to sleep there!), Dillo may be in the crib or in my bed, and I may be sleeping at the foot of my bed because Dillo is too sprawly. I don't tend to talk much about sleeping arrangements to work people, but have found my parenting friends to be non-judgmental. My mother hates the fact that we co-sleep; she considers it a sign of parental weakness and feels it reflects an inability to set boundaries. She sends me articles from the New York Times Style section about co-sleeping with snarky little notes and the addendum "ha ha this is meant as a joke. Please do not be offended."
I am very tired, and probably would have more seriously considered having a third child (I am strongly trending no right now) if my kids had slept through the night in their own cribs by 6 months. But this was the only way to muddle through things that I found I was able to manage. I do think the children's sleep was affected by the fact that I was exclusively breastfeeding and working full time; they wanted and needed (for food) to be close to me in the night when they were infants. Also, I think that humans have a natural tendency to co-sleep - one that, unfortunately, was mostly trained out of me, so I don't find co-sleeping restful.
I thought co-sleeping was kind of an affected hippie thing to do before I had kids. Then Casper wouldn't sleep unless being held at about 2 months, and we decided that instead of dozing semi-upright on the futon in her room holding her, we might get more sleep lying down in a bed holding her. mr. flea was very concerned about safety, but I actually still slept rather badly with her in the bed, as I was hyper-aware of her presence and woke at every snort. We moved her out to a crib at about 9 months, when she was waking wanting to nurse every hour, and then spent the next year traipsing down the hall to comfort her in the wee hours. At about 21 months we moved her to a double bed futon on the floor and one of us would lie with her until she fell asleep. For most of the year she was 2 (much of which I was pregnant) mr. flea actually spent the whole night in her bed, since he'd fall asleep trying to get her to sleep. At about 3.5 she moved to a single bed and now nearly always sleeps through by herself.
We did try the cry-it-out method with Casper on several occasions (ages 9 months-2 years). It was not a good solution for us - she was stubborn and angry, and I was in agony.
With Dillo I decided to co-sleep from the get-go, and I also got him to nurse lying down by about 3 weeks (instead of 4 months with Casper). We kept a pack n play in our bedroom and occasionally he'd go to sleep in that. We moved him out to a crib down the hall at 12 months and mr. flea would ferry him back to nurse in our bed. He's had phases where he's slept nearly through 4 nights out of 7 (slept in his crib until 5am, then nursed in our bed and back to sleep in our bed) and phases, like now, when he spends most of the night in our bed. When we move next week we'll start the futon-on-the-floor thing with him; I hope we are able by the time he's 3 to have him on the lower bunk of Casper's bunk bed.
My philosophy now, and the advice I give new parents is, to try things until you find a sleep solution that gets the most sleep for everyone in the family, and to hell with what other people think. In my house, on any given night I, mr. flea, or Casper may be sleeping on the couch (Casper likes to sleep out there, or sometimes she'll build a nest of pillows in the living room and want to sleep there!), Dillo may be in the crib or in my bed, and I may be sleeping at the foot of my bed because Dillo is too sprawly. I don't tend to talk much about sleeping arrangements to work people, but have found my parenting friends to be non-judgmental. My mother hates the fact that we co-sleep; she considers it a sign of parental weakness and feels it reflects an inability to set boundaries. She sends me articles from the New York Times Style section about co-sleeping with snarky little notes and the addendum "ha ha this is meant as a joke. Please do not be offended."
I am very tired, and probably would have more seriously considered having a third child (I am strongly trending no right now) if my kids had slept through the night in their own cribs by 6 months. But this was the only way to muddle through things that I found I was able to manage. I do think the children's sleep was affected by the fact that I was exclusively breastfeeding and working full time; they wanted and needed (for food) to be close to me in the night when they were infants. Also, I think that humans have a natural tendency to co-sleep - one that, unfortunately, was mostly trained out of me, so I don't find co-sleeping restful.
no subject
I could have written this. Ellie still sleeps with us. Until the last 2 months or so, it's been a great solution. Now, she's starting to kick and thrash a bit. This summer, she spent two weeks sleeping in a bed next to mine (while we were at my parents) but after two weeks, she wanted back in with me.
With Frisco, I worked on nursing lying down from about 3 weeks on. We didn't really get it until he was about 6 weeks but that's earlier than with Ellie. He usually sleeps next to me until he wakes up to nurse about 2-3 am. From there, if I fall back asleep, he stays in bed. Otherwise, I put him in his swing. (Hopefully the Amby soon, but that's another story.)
I'm mostly over my self-consciousness about co-sleeping. (I'm still self-conscious about nursing Ellie but, again, another post.) I have no desire to put Ellie in her own room. Our house is too soundproof. Plus, maybe I'm different from most, but I actually miss Frisco when he's in the swing. I like having him next to me. I feel bad when the rest of us are all warm and cuddled in the bed and he's off on his own.
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It was horrible. She cried for much of an hour, and I was a moron and didn't look in.
She had pulled herself up to standing for the first time ever, and she didn't know how to get down.
Worst. Mom. Ever.
A month or two later, we changed it up a lot: I put her in her crib and either snuggled her down with petting and rubbing her or just held down her blanket so she couldn't really get up, so she would stay down and go to sleep. The first night it took over an hour, the 2nd, like 45 minutes, but the third night it only took 5 minutes.
We only finally got around to taking one of the walls off her crib a few months ago. (And I thought my parents were evil for keeping me in a crib until my 4th birthday -- K surpassed it by months) So now in the middle of the night she'll get up, find me crashed on the couch, and climb on top of me and fall asleep. I wake up later on after she's completely out, when I realize my back hurts again.
So I guess we technically still do some cosleeping too.
no subject
Then, of course, Nora came along to upset the applecart. She couldn't eat lying down without puking, and wouldn't sleep if anyone was close enough to play with...
I say sleep however you can, and to hell with anyone who's not willing to offer overnight babysitting telling you what to do.
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Liv will periodically crawl into bed with us now and it's tolerated (due to the fact that we now have a king sized bed and she can get in there without disturbing Christopher, while I'll shelter her on my side.
I don't begrudge Christopher his need for more sleep--you're so right when you say "find what works for you where EVERYONE gets the most sleep possible" and don't worry about what others think.
Parenting styles are so varied--"boundaries" really shouldn't apply to infants and toddlers in my opinion--they really are a part of you (in their mind and yours) until THEY decide they're not.