girls

[flea]

So, it's developmentally normal for 5-6 year old girls to be flirtatious, right? It's the classic age of the Electra complex, for one thing. Casper has long had an intense interest in older boys - possibly stemming from her earliest days in our nanny-share when she was 9 months old and Alexander was the 4 year old big brother of the other baby. And she's always been a pretty outgoing, not socially inhibited kid, the kind who would sit in the stroller and say hello to passing pedestrians, and will still walk up to adults and say, "Hello!" She loves to chase boys at school, and has certain boys that she thinks are especially interesting (River at after school).

I guess I am a little discomfited partly because of how my mother reacted to an anecdote I related to her while we were all at the beach. We were on a pretty empty beach near a couple of college-age guys who were quietly drinking beers and then went in the water to play frisbee. I had said hello to them when we sat down (it's a small beach and a small town). When they went in the water where the kids were playing Casper said hello and they were genial and good natured and played frisbee with her for a little while. We were sitting at the water's edge and watching. One of the guys was not in a swimsuit, just shorts, and his shorts got droopy and the waistband of his underwear was showing. Casper told him to pull up his pants.

I related this little story to my mother as a "funny things kids say" story, and she freaked out, yelled at me about Casper's safety, brought it up separately and later with mr. flea, and it was pretty much the root cause of our inability to get along while we were there visiting.

Recently while visiting good friend she was also a little flirty with the daddy in the family, and I think was just barely aware of the effect she was having (he was actually a little uncomfortable, possible because she was just out of the bath and shed her towel; we got her dressed pretty swiftly).

What's y'all's take on the normalcy of flirty little girls? Do you think I really need to be concerned about her safety when she is interacting with people in public under my watchful eye (people I have spoken to first, demonstrating it's okay?)

Comments

[http://users.livejournal.com/_swallow/]

I don't think ALL little girls are flirts but it's not strange or dangerous that some are. I don't see anything sinister at all in the first story, no matter how hard I read it. I do understand how the father in the second story could be uncomfortable with a naked kid getting flirty, especially since 5/6 yo is just around the age where I, at least, stop thinking of kids as babies and start thinking of them as people. But I still don't see any danger there.

My one cent (since I'm not a parent yet myself my advice isn't worth two) is that that concern is mostly something your mom's bringing to the table, and not something you need to worry about yourself.

[loligo.livejournal.com]

As you know, Chuckles is far more likely to give strangers the stink-eye than she is to flirt with them, so I don't have much experience here. But I don't think there's anything risky in those two incidents. If you are uncomfortable with the thought that she might be acting like that when you're not watching, though, you could try to encourage more formality with grownups, just framing it as an issue of politeness.

(Now Squeaky, on the other hand, has already started flirting with cheerleaders. Did I tell you the story about the Superman t-shirts?)

[serrana.livejournal.com]

I have been increasingly discouraging about Herself being chatty with strangers and/or overly friendly with people we know, particularly men. I just don't think it's safe.

But then, we have a family history of non-family-members committing child sexual abuse, so C. and I are probably more cautious than most. It's just that we know what the consequences are, and they're so very bad that we don't want that for our kids.

[wandsci.blogspot.com (from livejournal.com)]

I wouldn't have been concerned by the beach story at all. You were right there. The guy's shorts were, in fact, falling down.

I don't know what I think about the bath story because my daughter is still so young and I haven't started thinking about this sort of thing yet AT ALL. God, parenthood is hard.