On how life is (a completely irrational rant)

[flea]

Can I just mention how deeply unfair it is that my little brother, who is 29 years old, and just graduated from college last summer (assuming he got the paperwork together and actually bothered to graduate), and doesn't really have a job right now (he does some freelance work for a video game design company he used to work for, but if he made $10,000 a year from them I'd eat my hat), is getting to live in my grandparents' house in Woods Hole, MA? He is paying (modest) rent and there's another tenant as well, but still! How is this fair? He dawdles along into his 30s and can't seem to grow up and get used to the fact that nobody is going to pay him to sit around and have cool thoughts (he is currently interested in neurobiology or something like that, but will he even consider taking a job in a lab? No, because that's menial.) And I just know some stupid shit will fall in his lap, and he'll get to spend his whole life living in Woods Hole, and he'll probably even get married and have kids and my mother will leave him the house, MY HOUSE, when she dies. And I work my little ass off with a stupid job that pays the bills and taking care of kids and going to school and not killing my husband, and I have to move to Cincinnati, home of desperate public schools and segregation and small minds and MY FATHER, and this is going to be my REWARD.

Which is all a prelude to, should I get my brother a Christmas present this year? I always do, a fairly nice one (usually clothes) and he either gets us nothing in return, or only gives us presents by dint of my mother or my sister taking him firmly in hand and essentially doing the shopping for him. (For example, I doubt he actually purchased me a creamer from England on Ebay last year. That one has all the hallmarks of my mother, despite it ostensibly coming from him. She probably even paid for it.) I'm considering stiffing the stiff this year. We're staying home, so I won't have to do it in person or anything.

Comments

[serrana.livejournal.com]

I don't think not giving gifts is stiffing -- I mean, everyone has so much crap in their lives anyhow, giving people more crap seems to me like an imposition, almost, unless you know it's something they can actually use.

I do recognize this is not the majority opinion.

I also send out a lot of holiday cards, with a nice letter and a picture of the kids, because I figure that's what friends and family really care about: how are we doing, and how big are the children?

[ste-noni.livejournal.com]

I'll be very happy for you if you send him nothing. I'm stuck buying for my ungrateful sister and brother in laws and nieces, who I can't blame because they are only 8 and 4 but still...

It would make me feel happy to know that someone didn't have to buy for the thankless one in their lives.

[veejane.livejournal.com]

She is not going to leave him the house. Actually, I shudder at what she might leave him, because he has no sense of value, but she'll divide the house evenly among us. Not that we paid in equal shares, but.

In re gifts, I have always put specific cheap books on the list on the logic that those slim of pocket can give me something that's $7.99 and have done. But that's never what he does; last year he bought me a $35 hardcover (on 12/24, at one of Mother's favored bookstores, and I cornered Mother later about the price issue and she swore it was his idea). If he had sensitivity, I would not mind so much his lack of sense; if he were more sensible, I would not mind so much his lack of sensitivity. I worry that he has learned Mother's lavishness without any thoughtfulness or realism, as if he really believes he can buy his way into favor (or out of the doghouse). Which, I mean, there are people like that in this world, but I don't want to hang out with them.

I would be happy if you did not move to Cincinnati. You've already spent several years in a location other than your choice, and not for your own advancement. It's fair to ask when your turn is.

[dxmachina.livejournal.com]

Ah, the joys of being the eldest when the youngest is a complete flutterhead. I know them well. I still get her a present every year, though. Family present dynamics are tough. Every time one of my sibs gets married or has a kid, there's another present for me to buy, yet do they ever consult me? :)

[minim_calibre]

Is this something particular to little brothers, or did we just luck into the spoiled and annoying ends of the stick?

I occasionally give my brother something, but as he's never given me anything since he started working (and he makes more than me), or paid me money owed from when he was brokeman, and only ever calls to rant drunkenly or ask directions to a bank, it's mostly me passive aggressively making a point, and I only do it when he's actually in town, which is rare. I don't think he notices or cares, which is sad, because gift giving is very important to the rest of us.

All of which is to say: you deserve bonbons, Hanna pjs (do you want me to look at the outlet? I got my mismatched comfy ones there cheap), and to NOT have to give him anything if you don't want to.

[cofax7]

Cincinnati? Oh, noes! (Somehow I missed this news.)

Wow, I don't get how you get you, your sister, and that brother out of your family. I mean, dude!

I think you should get him a small trifle that he might find useful, and leave it at that. You know, a saucepan or something. *g*

[calligrafiti.livejournal.com]

You could give a donation to Doctors Without Borders in his honor as his Christmas gift. My BFF and I did that for one another one year because we both think it's a cool organization. But it would also be a way of giving your brother a "present" while sending the money to someone who might put it to a good use. http://www.msf.org/

I imagine other organizations do similar things.

Is saying, "Fuck Cincinnati, this is my life we're talking about too" not an option?

[orthoepy.livejournal.com]

You are so much nicer than me. I would totally give him a passive-aggressive book, like (if I could find it) something like "Turning Your Slacker Ass Around: A 79-Step Plan" or "Are You Your Family's Dead Weight? How to Tell And How To Change."

That said, I found I was much happier when I stopped thinking about how many cars my brother got from my Dad throughout college (which he didn't actually finish). DH has a running tally in his head of all the things his parents have done for his (more-)feckless brothers and it makes him miserable. It's hard to do and involves a lot of "I'm not thinking about this right now"-ing, but worth it in the long run.

Also. Universe? Bon-bons, stat, for Flea!