Why is reality not so fun?

[flea]

I have this image of the way family life ought to be - where we engage with each other, as pairs and as an entire family, where we cooperate to get things done, where we have fun doing fun things and also doing chores.

Where everyone's teeth are brushed every night, where the homework gets done well with actual learning achieved, where we visit the library every week instead of every two months, where we don't watch Nickelodeon, where we eat vegetables. I don't feel like this is that outrageous a vision - I am not expecting Lifestyles of the Rich and Famous here, or Baby Einstein. It doesn't require a lot of money we don't have.

I keep thinking that if only I can be more energetic, find the right approach, get more organized, invest more energy, I can make this vision happen.

I suspect this is my version of Clean All the Things.

But I don't want to accept the life we currently have, of scramble and bickering and those damned fighting cats and I can't have a phone call without someone interrupting me 5 times and mr. flea took the kids to McDonald's last night because he was tired so yet another piece of plastic crap has entered my house and we don;t have the energy to actually talk to each other.

I like the alternate vision. I just can't figure out how to make it actually happen.

Comments

[meara]

...I figure if, as a single person, I can't Clean All The Things, Pay All The Bills, and not spend hours on the internet and watching reruns of Law and Order, well...then I have no expectation I will magically become better by adding a partner and/or kids. :)

[arliss]

Ahh, Unrealistic Expectations, how frustrating you are. I've been there. Heck, I'm often still there.

I think it's okay if you hold that image as an ideal, something to strive toward, while being realistic enough to realize it's never going to coincide with reality, except on rare and almost magical moments. And the importance of registering those moments and storing them away to treasure like jewels when the rest of life is just...everyday reality.

It's possibly disappointing, but it can be a relief to admit that life isn't actually achievable on a sustained basis.

[loligo]

The thing is, I remember things being sort of like that when I was a kid, even though my mom was a single parent with three kids. And I wonder "Was she just that much more talented a parent than I was? Or were we just that much easier to parent?" And then I realize, that's what it just *looked like* to me as a kid. I had a great time, and felt secure and loved, and I just assumed that life was just as wonderful for everyone else in the family.

... which doesn't get you any closer to what *you* want out of your life. But at least your kids are probably happy.

[sara]

Hey, at least yours have shoes that fit. I am kind of envious of that, really. Mine will not even WEAR shoes this week, and the small one broke out the "if Daddy gets to wear sandals in November, then so do I" argument this afternoon, which...well, fuck, he's right, isn't he? AUGH.

[forodwaith]

I hear you.