ext_19434 ([identity profile] brendalu.livejournal.com) wrote in [personal profile] flea 2008-02-21 03:39 am (UTC)

But, here's the insane thing: today, I kind of want to own a suit. I want the kind of life that requires occasional dressing up.



I have a pair of boots in my closet. Really expensive boots, that I really couldn't afford when I bought them. Frye boots, black, suede on the top but traditional pointy toed black leather cowboy boots on the bottom. And I dithered about taking them back until way past the return period. I never wear them.

I spent a lot of time trying to figure out why I don't wear them, but I just couldn't take them back, even though I needed the money. And I finally got it.

I don't want these boots. I want those boots ten years from now, when I've been wearing them for all that time. I want to *be that person* who wore those boots every day for ten years and now they're almost a part of me. That's what I was buying.

One of these days I'll maybe actually wear them, and then we'll see. For now, they're a vision of myself I didn't know I had made concrete, and gathering dust in the closet. I can't even say it that's a good thing or bad.


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