Or, why I am skeptical about "choice feminism."
I am all in favor of women having choices, and making the best choices for themselves and their families.
But, I have problems with choice feminism in a couple of areas. The fact of the matter is that modern American society is not set up on a basis that allows for equal choice. There are social, political, and economic pressures that conspire to make full-time employment outside the home of both parents undesireable for many families with minor children. When a family chooses to have one parent stay home, those same pressures mean that the parent chosen is overwhelmingly the woman (in opposite-gender couples, natch, as throughout here. The pressures on same-sex couples are sometimes the same and sometimes different.) The simple fact that men tend to make more money than women (leaving aside pay discrepancies in the same fields, male-dominated fields are generally better rewarded than female-dominated fields) is the deciding factor for many, if not most, families who opt to have a stay-at-home parent and even consider the father staying home. I strongly recommend the book "Opting Out" by Pamela Stone, which illustrates well how some women are forced by circumstances into the "choice" to stay home, when workplace flexibility and fewer societal pressures about extra-curriculars and additional partner support (many of these high-powered women had even more high-powered spouses) would make things different. (http://www.amazon.com/Opting-Out-Women-Really-Careers/dp/0520244354
I feel pressure to stay home with my kids all the time: when my low-paying job is boring, when I'm worried about changes in Dillo's daycare, when my mother calls and tells me it's time to think about music lessons for Casper (when? she's in after school until 5:30), when the house is dirty and the lawn isn't mowed, when I can't make the PTA meetings because I choose to spend all my time when I'm not working with my family. My husband, I assure you, does not feel pressured to make that choice, though he would make an excellent stay at home father.